Last Day; 2

Well in the end all i am on my last day is a woman who had an abortion.  I was going to say, a really bad abortion.  But all abortions are really bad.  I started thinking about it yesterdasy.  It spoiled one if my goodbyes.  Today, my last day, is Good Friday.  I guess thats a good day to be thinking about it.  The really bad thing about this particukar abortion was the timing.  It fell the day before our first anniversary and too soon befire the conception if our born child.  So i prayed those words about time in oerfect justice from the Cloud of Unknowing,  see Spooky Day,  somehiw i dont feel the pain.  I feel haggard.  I feel sad.  But i dont feel the pain.  I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries today and it felt redundant but it helps to go back to it in my mind.  I never thought i would get over the pain.  Oh Christ you love me.  I dont know why.  You are so good and i am so bad.  Do you forgive me what i couldn’t forgive myself?  Show me what to do, im lost.