Friends

Living in Berks County in the 80s I had many friends and a number of lovers that I shouldnt have.

I have written here so many times about how that happened.

I didnt know what I was doing, I had been PHYSICALLY HARMED in the ICU where there was already a sexual injury and I ddnt know what was happening to me. I was drawn to freaky sexual activity like renting a motel roon or having sex in the woods.

There was a particular man who was dear to me. But we shouldnt have been having sex; and after a while, I said that to myself, we shouldnt be doing this. We got together one last time after we both got out of the hospital; at your fathers house, Mark, and made it on his couch and there really wasnt much else for us to do. I was trained to be the wife of a man with a career, I was trained to be the wife of man I did marry.

I had a boyfriend named Mark in College that ended badly, I marked it (funny?) that you were Mark in another world.

So, I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU after I left town.

It was well over a decade ago now I guess but it was so horrifying I couldnt get my head around it when you told me about it when we met when I returned here from Florida in 2012 and we parked outside the McDonald’s drive-thru in West Reading!!!

TWO CHILDREN MURDERED!

I had just been through Hurricane Sandy in my new apartment in Easton. You didnt believe me about escorting some Middle Eastern government officials to the Reading outlets!!! I was going through my own hard time and it got worse; there was a very serious suicide attempt. Actually 2, the first didnt seem to be serious but turned out to be horrific for secondary reasons. So, these 8 years I have been preoccupied.

Still, I was very sad for you and very ALARMED. And so glad for you about getting your psych diagnosis cleared up. I am still trying to do that for self.

But, at what a cost!!!

My mother did somehing stupid when I left for Texas and I didnt even know what it was. I was on the phone to her, and she took took a call on call-waiting and it was you, Mark!

She came back to me and said that she had told you I didn’t live there any more.

With her, its always a phone call. I never saw it about this one until now. It was cooking away all that time. 30 years! (There was also her 40-year procrastination list!!!)

I figure it was about the ectopic pregnancy.

That was the one thing my first psychoanalyst clued me in about, the ectopic pregnancy was a serious issue, recently termed by someone a “skeleton in the closet.”

My mother had parameters to be lethal. In her favor, I realize now that she was IN TEARS AND ALONE at those bad times when I was a young child.

So, I dont see all of this yet, there were abortions all around and my father sometimes ordered them.

.