Clean Jokes

Haven Hospital in Reading was sort of a good time–the Pagoda Unit was not much fun but on the Tower Unit, after the episode in the woods, they really cared.

I used to have a terrible time with making bad jokes. Jokes that hurt people or sent a bad message or hurt the person I was talking to and I didn’t even realize it.

I am so sorry about this.

I am realizing that there were several causes and one of them is something that I have just today finally figured out for once and for all about my diagnosis.

I have organic personality disorder and have had it all my life. I was born with it and because it was never recognized or attended it was compounded in so many ways so many times. There are four axes to this disorder and I have every one. Basically, it is any personality error pattern resulting from a medical problem. Obviously, mine is the mole on the side of my face pressing on a nerve or several nerves that was finally removed right about a year ago.

There is also a white mark on the center of my lower lip; the combination leads me to thing that the problem runs deeper to endemic trends and that I am just a weird person.

At Haven I invented “weirdo personality disorder.”

I have seen others with more significant, or, more visible conditions and I don’t know whether to say that it is is a blessing that mine being less physically noticeable por not. Such other people got more of the care and shelter that they needed while I got my ass kicked all my life not knowing why. Finally at the age of 60 I do. Know why,

As I said there were so many secondary problems added to the initial condition, like being kneed in the crotch at around age 5 or 7 (can’t remember, just remember the incident); the sick incident with the minor, overdose suicide attempt at 24 when the clamped on catheter almost killed me because of the damaged urethra and they put the clamp on because I kept trying to pull it off because it hurt so much; it was like 24 (?) hours sexual torture and I almost lost my life.

Well, here I am still living and still trying to save my life. But I am learning and changing and growing as a person so fast it is just bizarre.

On Haven psych ward near here I had a sense of safety even within an atmosphere of threat.

I kept everybody busy with a sense of fun.

I had one joke that I thought was just hysterically funny, it was an 80 year old lady’s joke because that’s what I felt like.

I told my nurse, who was about my age, “You can’t put the pussy back in the bag.” (i.e. playing on the expression, “Don’t let the cat out of the bag.”) Get it? She didn’t at first. I was afraid she thought I was calling her an old bag. But it caught n and there were so many different ways of saying it. It was about me! No pussy left in this old bag!

Anyway, also, someone at a convenience store somewhere in Florida, a young man, came up to me and said “You’re it.” I had no idea who he was or where he came from and I didn’t know what he meant. Finally, a couple of YEARS later I tried it on the night staff at the window at the Circle K by my house in Seminole but I don’t think I passed it off of me.

So, I made the psych ward “it” for the night when I was really overloaded and it worked! I got a break and turned some things around.

So then, I made the Tampa Bay Area it for a year!

Then, thinking of my sister, I made the entire South Central Florida region it for 20 years.

Now, I feel safer.