About My Father

My favorite dream when I was a little girl, the most special, was the Purple Throne Dream. The Throne was distant; magnificent. Where I was, near the Throne, at the bottom of the ocean, was a case full of pearls, rubies and other jewels, half buried in the sand. This 2as me and my father when I was little. Then, there was the marionette fantasy. I loved my father, mostly from a distance. He was mostly preoccupied with the rest of the family. Nobody understood about organic personality disorder. They knew I had a problem and it was hard on everybody. They didn’t understand how hard it was on me, so, I forgave them and kept a positive and forward looking attitude.

Then, some stuff started happening that was really uncool as I hit puberty, that’s just the way it is with kids with problems; and then you hit 17 and it’s do or die and things get nasty.

my issues have finally resolved at the age of 60. It was always about the diagnosis. Cutting that whole desperate 40 years loose, suffice it to say that organic personality is it and it can be so easily shown. There were complicating factors and some more traditional psych diagnoses played a part but NOT MANIC DEPRESSION for God’s sake. MAJOR DEPRESSION yes. And OCD. And PTSD. That’s my basic profile. And after forty years there has been so much confusion that I csn be hard to read– but, I believe that that falls right in with the profile of organic personality disorder.

so, tonight I am going to tell the story of how I made peace with my life with my father’s help. He encouraged me to keep drawing the aliens and I did. I said to him, you know in my whole life I have never move forward on ANYTHING in an uncluttered, proactive way, and I did so with this at Philhaven at Mt Gretna. It started here at home; then there was the beautiful encounter at Haven in Reading; then I fell on brass tacks at philhaven but the all encouraged me to keep drawing. I was posting the pictures on the out s ide of my door with tape. It was sort of like blogging. Of course, I was only allowed to use crayons.

So, I am going to post some of the pictures here.

In this post I am going to add two drawings of my ex- husband, whom I have been neglecting recently.