…we’re never a happy couple and my returning from California to bear my son was a nadir for them. They provided us with curtains and bottles and the loan of a bassinet; my living Grandfather in England sent money for a changing table: and my mother provided her blessed presence for a little while.
then they left,
I cared for Ian all alone for 10 months, I had a pediatrician and a psychiatrist; my ob/gyn fired me.
there were a few visits back and forth from Buffalo to here (PA), and they took Ian for a week once. But in Buffalo I was completely alone, with the baby, Alex was there of course, but he didn’t understand too much about being a father until much later in our lives. At that time I was legitimately deemable deeply mentally ill with post- partum psychosis and depression. Added to all my other conditions likely the OCD and spasming that made it hard to work with me.
Over the years after the visit to Hopkins the bitterness and confusion grew and I was as Ied to absorb it based on the decision they at Hopkins made to just let it go on. I figure out last night exactly how and when it happened and how to say and how to see what happened, they gave the keys to Judith in that weird moment in the family meeting when I looked at Lipsey’s shoes. People always do. She was charming and and beautiful, and she had a gift for playing her own desperation over everyone else’s.
but not at that level.
It was the worst decision they ever made.
[Please note: these emphases and font changes are not mine,]
Un.Bon.Mot 