I have to say this again because it is so IMPORTANT.
about the “ghoul epiphany” in 1986 when I was tortured almost to death by a catheter in the ICU;
and about how it was not only covered over but SUPPRESSED, by others, in my own mind heart body and soul. After that it was like I was caught on a fishing line but noone was able to reel me in.
they just kept me and kept me and kept me. DENY DENY. DENY
along the line of honoring my father I have to point out that what he did was probably for the best, regardless of his motives. Nothing could be done with the situation after what happened to me in the ICU. I just couldn’t get up. Old world, English tactics were successfully employed.. Successfully, in the end. Because by some unfathomable miracle I am coming back to life better, much better than before. But, here is where Hopins stepped in and took a gigantic chunk out of my life. Dont think I’m not still on this. Im still in a state of recovery for the more recent experiences I’ve suffered in having to help myself on my own in the shadow of Hopkins. They gave me a horrible write up ( the lawyer I talked to got a copy); and when I went to see my new doctor in Maryland he had nothing to go on except that.
worse still, a Hopkins-schooled doctor in this area, who turned out to be an innate incompetent, shunned me based on factors I can only begin to imagine, it was still a PA Dutch world here back then.
My father is already on the Radicaal Acceptance policy without having heard the expression. It got him through World War II in England as child. It led him to send me to Wernersville. It WAS the break that I needed. It wasn’t so bad there. Just a shock. Well, a huge shock. Until I met the woman from Texas and the director of the program publicly took sides with her against me.
I am just starting to see this. I was frigging pissed off. I am seeing how the nursing staff and other staff members were using the hell out of me to keep the other patients happy. This Is sick news to my mind.
I needed a rest and protection and a place to grow up a bit. But there was a specific moment where I realized that I was in the wrong place for what I was going through and being there was destroying me.
And then in walked Alex. And then things jumped to a different level.
I got out if PA, got married, went out West.
came back East to have the baby. I was a completely changed woman.
everything else goes from there.
…
But the point is that what happened recently at Haven Hospital in Reading, PA (well, it’s been almost a year now, 9 months,) to a white 59-year-old woman from the other edge of the county, a woman with a college degree and a son, a relationship so desperatealtho7gh om disability pay mist of her life
so, anyway as I said at the beginning this is about the ghoul epiphany.
that young 24 year old woman (myself) now has both feet In contemporary reality where for decades I didnt know for sure whether I was alive or 8n purgatory. The macabre preoccupation most of my life after the ghoul overdose was to finish the job: I was half- killed.
there is a quagmire here still to be dealt with but im alive
Un.Bon.Mot 