someone who can break down these decades of disorganized persecution over a psych condition that was always in question.
I used to say it was like walking into a doctors office with a broken leg and a headache from not sleeping and since the doctor is a psychiatrist he finds mental and mood disorders and sends you away with antipsychotic medication. And then your in the system and your deemed mentally ill and noone will take your word without ax grain of salt any more.
and since you were waiting all your life to get in there with such a doctor for such desperate and burning immediate problems (the broken leg)– including overwhelming situational issues in the present
you have no place to go, your mother turns against you for a deemed slur that your therapist made not you.
The day after your 22nd birthday you try to cut your wrists and you don’t know how
people cover a smile when they see the smal crosswise slits
whch result in some generalized nervous problems.
somehow you know you’re going to be sidelined and marginalized for this and it’s sort of a relief; but you don’t really know what that means or what it entails
well she’s gone, the great beauty who is responsible for all this. That would be my mother…
she longed to grow old gracefully and she did. It got cut short a little early. I have the feeling today that, if she wasnt dead before she is now.
We were at each other’s throats most of my adult life. She helped my son. Obviously that’s some kind 9f oxymoron but that’s just the way it was.
I lost her over her ectopic pregnancy when i was 5. What are you supposed to do?
for the first time I am saying to myself, that is not up to me to solve. Leave it in the Lords hands.
gradually I am coming to peace with the biggest and the tiniest upsets in my life.
I just went through the most profoundly disturbing experience for the last year or so and it puts all the stuff I used to worry over in perspective.
th8ngs have changed.
it’s a pandemic world. It’s a new century and a new millenium. I was out of touch for so long.
all that I know and all that I care about is that my son is safe and as happy as a person can reasonably desire to be and that he will accept that I talk about aliens because it was thoughts of aliens that saved my life.
I won’t talk any more about that right now.
that’s it!
Un.Bon.Mot 