so…

it’s finally come down to this.

I knew it all my life. My father had problems he couldn’t solve.

I knew it as a little girl when I tugged at his sleeve trying to get attention from him.

I knew it when he called me up at the Lodge Program at Wernersville State Hospital askng for a referral to a psychiatrist. That upset me so much that I fled into a romance with a fellow patient that lasted two years and became an indissoluble part of my life and character. His name was Mark.

That was the kind of thing I used to do that made people, especially men, so mad with me. I didn’t understand that I was using them. My need was so intense and I was under so much stress and in so much pain. I am very sorry for how I hurt people in those days and earlier in my life. I met a man who didn’t put up with that crap and we married and I am a better person now.

then at one point i somewhat idly saw that the expression “”Its lonely at the top ” applied to my father’s situation. There was noone who could see his situation. There were confidentiality agreemeements; there were matters that were top secret.

there’s noone who can cut through the red tape to get at the person who lives insides the madness.

my father needs help. They used to put it on me–he and my mother. But she’s been gone for 2 1/2 years now. I am doing just fine pursuing proactive projects to help straighten out my life. But I am living under his roof.

that’s why the aliens. They are here for him, not me; well, maybe me too.