the truth at last

my mother is still living.

they went their separate ways.

it is no business of mine.

but some aspects of the situation are.

for 2 1/2 years I have not been told when everyone else knew.

today I had the weirdest sense that I was communicating with her about how you have to clean up your business when you are dying so no one is left getting dragged into the grave.

Got Junk? Will be here tomorrow to tow away all the stuff she held onto.

she knew she had outstanding business with me in the most desperate way.

she is giving me the cottage. I can stay. I’ll be a homeowner here in PA here where I needed to. She knows how to divide the home and turn it into 2 different residences. I will have my own street number. She is a co-owner so she can do this.

Maybe then my father and I can get along,

or, he can sell but I can stay.

We bother each other. Him, in the past he was the homeowner he has always had the say. Recently its been evident that his mental and emotional condition is deteriorating. And he SHALL NOT continue to be given authority with regard to my psych situation because he doesnt take responsibility. This presents a danger to me. And I cannot take responsibility for him because of our history.

……

He made a promise to put in a stove and I have just the right place for it. That’s the only thing that is critical in this situation. I cant cook over here for myself. This home is so beautiful and a Berks County Historic Site. I am thrilled to have the chance to do a turn a round on the place and pull it into the 21st century. That’s one possible plan. Or, honor the historic appeal, that I would need help with.

maybe I’ll do it just for a time. Until we are both healed from the horrible ordeal of the last 9 1/2 months.

oh please God help him to see the light of day again.

my mother didnt think i knew the value of things. She could be pretty insulting Iike that. She had dibs on my personal possessions for when I died.

evidently everybody did. A lot of things had been taken when I came back from the hospital 6 weeks ago. So, I had the joy of buying newer, better things (small appliances).

So, gradually things are trickling out. Something is happening today that affects me but I dont know what.