Un.Bon.Mot.
I like it. I’ve been transitioning…
I’ve been making a change here as reflected in the site title and also simultaneously it reflects the huge change in my life now free of nasty wart-mole.
buying furniture and appliances as necessary for this place is fun! I was living as a cave creature. I have to sell my father on modernizing this place. He’s half-way there, but anything could happen.
Can you imagine that I lived with this chair for 4 years? And others did before me. It’s an evidence of the mesmerizing going on here. You cannot believe how comfortable this chair was. It’s gone, Thank God. Same as 4 other large furniture items in a similar state (although not QUITE so bad). We had junk removal here on Thursday and they took EVERYTH I NG. What a relief.
this place was impossible to keep clean and impossible to endure because of the constraints put on me by my dear mother. No, just like I claimed retroactive emancipation from my father at 16 when I ran away from home; similarly i am helping myself against my mother by claiming this place ( this side of this beautiful home) (a registered Berks County Historic Site) as my own through any number of reasonable options. I won’t reveal them as I am not sure how to state them properly but I remember my brother Steve and “sweat equity” when he built his own home. I have held the walls up here and invested them with my organized presence. I have absorbed all the deaths and dyings of 250 years off if it Some of it existed as spirits out on the property that I was very scared of, that was a long time ago.
in other words, im bringing it back to life with some very unique skill sets.
My parents also did a lot of that but this place had death on it and I knew after the trip to Wernersville State Hospital that at some point it would be a proactive move to stay here for a while, I HAD NO IDEA how that would come about and what it would mean.
I was so c lose to death at that time from the “ghoul epiphany” experience. And here I am now coming back just the some 37 years later after another horrible near death experience but it was no effort of self-harm this time. The authorities did it to me this time, the MH authorities, who have a uniqu way of exercising absolute power in this licale. and I saw as quickly as I thought it that all of this is healing for something awful that happened in Reading in 1986 that I kept crying about all my life forever after. But I didnt KNOW what had happened. My mother half-told me and then dropped it because my father was coming down the lane. And I never heard another word. Because she got hurt by me. It wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t control what happened. At one point I realized they would have taken pictures. On the psych ward I was going, Oh no, she must have been bruised. And I was 8n a low state. And the doctor who had treated me before said, “You assaulted your mother?” And walked away. No, I did not. I did not assault my mother. I had a caniption fit. One of my brother Steve’s old sayings. I was like a little child in an adult body. I had been harmed. In the ICU. I didnt remember a thing about it. In my mind everything was black. So I got put away for life. But sone9ne came lok8ng fir meband b got me out o b there.
I lived here t or two years. Then Alex came around asking questions and it started to come back to me. SO SLOWLY. It is just the same as what happened Haven. In the back of my mind I knew that I had been in the woods for 5 days. But it didn’t connect with where I was and what was going on in the immediate present back on the Tower Unit.
so a lot of crazy bullshit (my ex’s favorite old expression) stuff has happened to me in my life but the main thing is that I had a beautiful son and through thick and thin he has only improved.
finally I am ready to cut loose the aborted kids and the miscarried kid and live life in the present again.
so, the good word is that everything I ng is going to be cool; the AMERICAN word for GRACE,
Un.Bon.Mot 