it’s been a jumbled up time. I was in the midst of buying appliances and everything down to a freestanding countertop to make the place truly livable. I have been stuck here for 4 years in a condition I now recognize was abominable. Where there is no supporting physical structure, your mind, heart body and soul melt into a slump. It feels urgent to do this and my father has been graciously accommodating it cashwise. I am so happy at how it is turning out.
There was a problem for me as a mourner as I got my passport pulled about 13 years ago (my British one) after a trip to England in the midst of some horrific circumstances in our family. I was never really able to clear it up. My ex-husband status was also harmed.
cutting to the chase, this closely parallel a horrible situation within my (British) family. My grandmother was here in America instead of alone in England; for her safety. It was a beautiful time here for all of us. She missed England and her belated husband desperately but my mother did the right thing. I tried to help my grandmother Ella’s with her fears and loneliness but then when it came down to hospice for her in this exact spot where I am sitting now, I couldn’t be there for her. There was a recent conflict that caused me to call the police on my father. I don’t know whatever happened to the report. But I felt not safe flying back up here to say goodbye. I wrote a horrible letter.
it’s like that for me with the grief over Queen Elizabeth II. Obviously I can’t be there, at this stage I’m an invalid. Also I have no access to news–I pick it up on my father’s TV every so often. The Lord has led me to some of the critical moments.
When I couldn’t be with my grandmother on her deathbed I bought suitcases. A FULL SET of blue, Samsonite durable luggage. It was a last chance to be with her if only in my mind. It made me feel safe. Alex never had to say it I knew he adored them. Somehow it made us tick as a family in a whole new way that lasted. I got a check from my mother for a thousand dollars from Grandma’s estate. I’m not about to complain but it would have been up to my mother to decide the allocations and I suspect my sister received a whole lot more. At the bank back in Florida they laughed–I took the check to the drive-thru window.
Anyway this time it’s appliances, they’re so exciting–or were. I can’t be who and what I am supposed to appropriately be in real time to send Queen Elizabeth home–I don’t even know the language. Before my hospitalization over the last year I was talking her head off in mine and now I am waking up to the fact that she won’t be there in the same way she was all my life and my father ‘s; and there is going to be a male monarch on the world stage.
So, I’m going a little nuts about buying appliances. I wasn’t ready for this at all.
Un.Bon.Mot 