or lack thereof.
The first night I was there Lipsey made the point to me that “an idle mind is the Devil’s workshop.”
and then just dropped it.
I spent the next 28 years of my life figuring it out for myself.
I had been having horrifying problems with Satan out in California and was desperate for religious guidance and purgatory back here in PA. I finally got baptized here 8n 2018–24 years later when all other hope was lost.
second, Drs. DePaulo (the chief psychiatrist, who was very nice) and McMahon, who wereexperienc8ng could be standing in while Dr Simpson, a woman, returned, Dr DePaulo and Dr. McMahon commented that I had trouble with making decisions, and also that the severe musculoskeletal blocking I was experiencing was called “freezing,” also “posturing;” that the older antipsychotic medications can cause it; that it has been given to rats in experiments in large doses and they do the same thing.
in California, a psychologist on a psych ward there had said that i had the worst case of OCD he had ever seen and that I had a problem with “old shit.”
These were the things that I was carrying with me through my desperate, early motherhood years, without any help. The physical pain has been unbearable. The mental pain, worse.
the pain for my son? HE was helping ME. A private psychiatrist I took him to commented on his sensitivity when he picked up my soda can i had left on the table and brought it in for me. That Ian’s sensitivity was extremely advanced.
Other harm to Ian through my helpless neglect and abuse and the shame and blame on me in the community was so painful to me I could barely help him at all. Everyone thought I was sexually abusing him. My mother spread that around. I was not. I had a sexual problem. It was very embarrassing. Ask the gardener. That’s it.
Un.Bon.Mot 