a short life in pictures

Me, at 13, a nerd

Kent Scool graduation 1979. I don’t know where I am in this picture but I know that I was lost. It was a sad day for me. But the parties up and down the northeast coast for the next few weeks were thrilling.

almost as exciting as graduating (a year late) from Harvard-Radcliffe College and knowing I would never have to write an academic paper again. I sat in the bleachers with my parents, I didn’t know anybody.

I had been eating at restaurants all semester to avoid going to the dining room.

it was a pretty weird move and my father didn’t know what to think. And I couldn’t explain.

I just wanted to be there. Even though i had lost my self-respect.

This is Gary who played Jesus in a local production of Jesus Christ Superstar where I lived in New Jersey, after graduation.

this amazing person lifted me out of a world where i had been completely disdained by the opposite sex. He visited me at Harvard and sent cards and love letters that I set aside not knowing what they meant.

But I saved them.

he visited every so often and then finally realized it was a dead end.

I had met a Harvard man.. AND I was extremely immature and didn’t understand the situation.

I caught up with Gary after the Advocate disaster. At that point we were the same. But we didn’t have a whole lot to say to one another.

I wish that I could make this better but I cant..

There are so many men whom I have hurt deeply, scared, or shocked. Today I have the answer for them, everything that I have been saying about the mole-wart simplex; the being kneed in the crotch and MOST OF ALL the congenital deficiency from my mother’s side of the family; and she had that issue and noone to help. I really couldn’t help what I did.

I am realizing that the congenital deficiency is the worst part of it. Like giggling when things aren’t funny and never knowing what to say.

So, Gary, you made my life beautiful in a way that never left me. And I wish I could have done that for you.

This is the front door of the house in Seminole as it stood for 13 years after I got married to Alex and had Ian.

what made that work was that he is Canadian and also his family was strongly military. I always had an interest in that

today I have been “with” Wernersville State Hospital, visiting in my heart. That place used to be so incredibly beautiful. It was such a loving community. I felt like I ruined it. Maybe I did.

but I have been striving to mitigate the damages and heal the hurt.to myself as well. I experienced a springtime of my life there after a near death experience and who knows if they were even told. My sexual behavior was unacceptable. It WAS just the right setting for me, maybe I’ll write a book about it some day. But in the aftermath it was a terrifying ordeal. Both when I left and went back to my fathers house and then when it hung over my head for the rest of my life.

and here I am: this is who i am and where I live today. It’s about to be tomorrow. HA! Now it is.

here’s a photo

I miss Hauana. She would know what to do about this mess.

I have an eye infection and a sinus infection and learning to walk agan with cortisone shots in both knees. Also I’ve been helplessly biting my lips and tongue whenm i eat. It’s SO painful and my lips are all red and scarred.

I want to run from this picture but it is the one that the aliens needed to see. I know because they just told me. You get honest when you’re this tired.

aliens are everywhere. Saints, angels, aliens and the mysterious cat.

good night