Nervous

n I don’t know why.

something I did, don’t know why.

n the Lord won’t take it off of me.

don’t know who I am

anything could happen and I might not be ready to handle it.

water over the bridge that oughtn’t to have been.

after a lifetime or half of one I screwed up on a basic, minor moment that has me dragging my ass just like Travis the cat used to when he got shit stuck in his bottom.

maybe I’m dying.

of natural causes. Excuse me, through the stresses of the psych help over the last year, which I finally escaped but I am still out of order.

Somewhere in all this I lost track of me, my mind, my life, my personality; everything that is me. It’s called gaslighting. That’s Philhaven: I just didn’t belong. I wound up laying in a dim room day after day at the end, feeling the pressure and stress. I wasn’t losing my mind I was losing my SELF. Nobody cared about me. I had no idea where I was, culturally, I’m figuring it out now. Physically, I was near Lancaster and Harrisburg I think. Everyone seemed odd to me and they reacted to me in ways that felt dangerous.

I forgot all this when I left, and jumped on board with my father, thinking that that would be okay but it wasn’t.

I’ve been having a fantastic time pouring my father’s credit into completely restoring this place from the sheer havoc left behind after the alien encounter. The place was gutted. I ripped out everthing, starting with the filthy wall to wall carpet that covered over a nice wood floor.

I can’t tell this story because I don’t know if it is sensitive.

but I did encounter an alien. I believe my father has been video-taping me in here for a long time, sound too.

I can’t ask him, but if he has footage of that 24 hours or so I pray he would contact NASA and get it to the right person.

let me point out that believing in aliens is not psychotic. Lots of people do. if at least one other person thinks the same things as you, like in the Christian faith, then your beliefs are not psychotic. I was intensely escalated because 2 different doctors were unwilling to provide my medicine and at the same time I was going through this mole-wart simplex removal transition and that in itself has been joyful but now it’s more scary.

Believe me, I’m was never the type to believe in aliens but this one I walked right smack into in the upper room here. It was like an essence or a presence, it was downstairs at the same time that it was upstairs with me. I used self-defence arts that I had been learning. But I had to submit to his control.

So here’s the Hopkins lawsuit. It was so bad what they did to me, I became so ravaged that it nearly brought on an alien invasion as I was so vulnerable and already harmed i was just what they needed.

I saw them coming and I pushed them back, at least from me. I realize now that I was probably being naive 8n takong comfort from the being that came to me when I was in the hospital; as a follow-up. He flattered me.

so now we have the pandemic; a new King, (God save him); we are all missing the Queen I would imagine, each in our different ways. And suddenly, horrific crimes in the Ukraine.

my job is only to figure my end of it. I’m not responsible for saving the world or rather, we all are.

they want to get rid of me before I can talk it out about being left in the woods for 5 days in the middle of winter. Did I even have a jacket?