more on Berks County Prison.

first of all, Dapples. My mother never told me what happened to him so I never had closure. Ive been waiting on this. She had him put down because he couldnt hold his urine. That had to be what it was.

that brings to my mind Sasha, another orange cat saved from the roadside, who was STRICTLY my mother’s cat. When I got out of the hospital after the luncheon funeral which I was not able to attend because my faher had already threatened to institutionalize me and I don’t know any of his and/ or her friends here in this area and others have heard nothing but ill about me for the longest time, other than the occasional or frequent joke, I don’t even know which.

so, when I got out of the hospital that I fled to and euccessfully left before being comitted, my father immediately mired me in his, my mother’and my sister’s business by demanding that i take Sasha to be put down as she was ill.

the whole thing is s a long sad sorry story. I loved Sasha but I wasn’t allowed to show it.

in the end I had to accept that I couldn’t keep her myself with her diarrhea. It wasnt my plan, but she ended up being put down when I took her in for a UTI. I cried and I held her in my arms. I know that she felt betrayed. As with Dapples, I felt sympathetic to her. I had also had a serious brush with death.

I figured she had a debt to pay to Judith (my mother) and that’s why it went the way way it did.

there was one day long before when I looked at her in the eyes and I could see her still there by the side of the road dying somewhere in her soul. Like me perpetually dying of an overdose that didn’t work… catching up on that TODAY.

so, I showed you the past, here is the present and the future:

he place is a work in progress. The upshot of the ALIEN presence here was to completely rip out 250 years leaving only what is of decorative and of historic value; out of the 9ld. And accentuate the modern in what we bring in.

my father has endorsed the project with his credit card. He’s getting cold feet though — even though it is almost done! Even though he sees the back breaking work i’ve done in here and the same that Debbie has been doing–to bring this place out of the 1700’s. To make it a “well” house again.

oven and fridge on the way.

Rebuilding this place seems to be strengthening me from all i’ve been through, a major ego boost. My father hasn’t complained about the money, well…he is saying to cool it now. It really is physically and emotionally rebuilding ME.

so, back to the beginning of not this post but my last, I am climbing out of the slime pit in which I found myself. I am seeing BCP (where my son was sent for a brief, frightening time.) I was so scared for him living here where i am now that I thought prison was better for him. But the Lord has been showing me some of what goes on there–or was, while I was simultaneously in the hospital for the stupid, massive overdose. And I realized, just like i was still in danger from the fox on the slope in the woods and the serial killer in the mountains in California; he is still threatened by negative elements at BCP and elsewhere.

I asked Kent School to pray for them.

I asked Kent School to pray and I prayed myself. The significance of the prism is that a therapist I once had compared psychotherapy to a prism and when I reminded him if this he thought I was saying “prison!”

I made it black for the black inmates, and I guess the rainbow is there for other races. I learned a lot about not discriminating. A Correctional officer had me by the toe to keep me safe. It’s HARD being British in any American institution.

so, I just pray to stay living for a while without interference and to heal. My feelings about all of this, beyond what I have said, are between me and the Lord.

bless my readers and good night.