Although I do not clearly remember (they may have knocked me out) I have the evidence of my subconscious and where my lights went out on the Pagoda Unit, the “tan code” where I was safe if I was touching the tan-colored handrails, just like it was a grade school game. Then I remember the different stages and beginning to feel serious trouble coming on.
I put up my hand and said it was “the claw”–like a cat’s paw scratching–because of being formerly a Mackintosh, Clan chattan–clan of the cat.
I thought it was just a game. Then it got out of my control and I couldn’t stop it. I saw signs of danger such as I didn’t know. I saw the county prison as if it existed as in a vault beneath the gloors of Haven. This last is for reasons I can’t explain.
I only remember a little after that before being in the woods and then, once they found me, unconscious I presume, I didn’t remember THAT–being in the woods. It was just running through the back of my mind all the time.
…
so, now I’ve said this, I don’t remember much else right now.
I cannot validate this with a conscious memory.
a place of peace as well as fear.
In the woods to stay living. I can’t remember now how it went.
in grade school and at Wernersville SH and as a mother to my son I played a lot of card games.
I guess that’s why i turned to them in my mind then. Actually, to be specific, what I remember is playing the letters ABCD and it would take too long to explain further.
so, about Dapples the orange cat he was disabled like me. No tail, no claws, no balls. He was with me at my worst moment, in 2015 before the hideous experience on a cardiac unit at the hospital AFTER being released after a minor overdose but the aftermath was so serious.
he passed when I was in another hospital stay after another stupid overdose,
aint going to happen again.
I just found him again in my heart. Ive been looking. He was Ian’s childhood cat.
I’m too tired to finish this post right now, Travis and Tanner need feeding (Ian’s cats).
Be back later.
Un.Bon.Mot 