my mother

ashes to ashes dust to dust.

if you did not die I do not know what to say.

a luncheon at your favorite most expensive restaurant does not seem like the right send off and I am very glad I escaped going but look at all the trouble it’s caused.

Bernard used the word institutionalized at the restaurant at Wegmans, shrunk down in his chair and looking right at me and I knew that there was trouble ahead. I heard something about Claire in the same vein.

so that afternoon I stayed up here and literally laid low, hiding on the bed. It was a horrible experience. Out of all the family occasions I have missed–and I realize now that they have been countless– this was the worst.

I had already been mistreated in the hospital room.

If it had been an appropriate funeral I would have gone.

Generally I’m not invited.

I dont know what my mother would have wanted, she got so lost over the years. You just don’t treat people the way she and my father treated me.

but if she had learned about the diagnosis organic persoality disorder and seen me grow since that lesion (I think that that is the proper term) came off my face and I started to change; she would have embraced me for the rest of her life and mine.

Shucks.

furniture from New Jersey ripped up by the cats

along with the mattress and bed frame in a similar condition were all taken out.

I have been in a severe state of poverty and didnt want to ask my parents for money. My husband owes me 100k per the Lord but won’t give it to me.he just doesn’t like paying. He forced me to fire my lawyer. I don’t think the divorce was even legal. I have not even had food to eat.

the damage to the old furniture was done when Ian was staying here. But it worked to the good. That stuff had to go. It had no life left in it. Someone else’s old dreams. They carted it all out and now this old place is coming to life.

it’s the bed my grandmother died in in the 2000s

so now a woman has been coming in to clean and she took care of the big fire place downstairs where the cat litter trays used to be. And they have a new place way out of the way.

from the house across the way before they retired here.

that was pretty much how I was living for a couple of years. Noone came in. I think she ueed mesmerizing techniques to cover things over with the slightest touch.

altogether, 5 large items were removed; then, the barn (one of them)

my mother so badly wanted to have a sale. So, I had a ton of stuff in there. They took about 1/2 of mine and they took ALL her stuff. It was welcome, but sad about her. She had some nice things that would have sold at a garage sale. I didn’t know how to help her with that.

awaiting a small stove and refrigerator.

a miracle is happening here!