I had boycotted my mother’s wake/luncheon. It would have been worse if I went. I was on a weird new anti-psychotic medication, I had been transitioning for ages with no positive result. So I stopped it, got in the car and made left turns until I figured out where to go. THE WORST THING was leaving those poor cats. There was nothing I could do.
That was early 2020. Obviously I couldn’t go to Tampa. I don’t think I even had shoes on. I had thought of stopping outside my doctors office in Quakertown and lasting out the night but as I drove near it I realized not to. I pulled over–like the song–“Jesus take the wheel! I had been havin little seizure like episodes. I veered off onto the shoulder and turned off my car and rolled up the windows and sat there. I thought I sensed that there was a dog roaming the woods where i was.
Finally, a woman stopped and got out of her car and came to see what was going on. I rolled down the window. All I could say was “Help me.” She called the police, obviously; and they called an ambulance. I was taken to the Grandview hospital very nearby and something horrible happened there. I don’t know really remember and what I do remember I don’t want to repeat here.
Somehow I ended up in an ambulance to Horsham, leaving my car by the side of the highway.
The nightmares and terrors there cannot be described or explained. The worst was that everyone was going to leave and I was going to be left inside locked in without water or light or anyway to get out. I had been switching off of Clozaril to Nuplazid, a drug for people with Parkinson’s. I do not think I had that condition but the doctor was out of options. The Clozaril drooling at night had given me pneumonia 5 times in 8 months.
Anyway, I was very ill in the way that only and oldster in the system can be. Savvy and smart and completely deranged.
Somehow I go out. But I had the grace that they put me on an antidepressant that works for me without side effects that I am aware of. Because of this, when I was thrown out of the house the first time last year (2021, the following year), I drove straight there.
Anyway, to make a long story short, something nasty happened at Grandview which was just so off the charts that I never reported it in fact I didn’t even remember until a neurologist whom I saw slightly afterwards alluded to it, and I was somewhat shy to discuss this with him, in fact as I said I just really didn’t remember and I figured from what he said and from what I did remember at least a part of what happened to me there.
But, one bad stop on a long trip wasn’t about to get the better of me. My father took me back, begging and sobbing on the phone.
That didn’t last long.
[Bless this new laptop; I can write again.]
[Im learning it and I’ll be making mistakes.]
[its so beautiful. no touchscreen though. I figure that is for penance for so many reasons pertaining to my use of the computer and otherwise embarrassing my father who is having difficulty with his. Last night, I was up almost all night, I was trying to buy one with a touchscreen but wasn’t permitted. They just weren’t made available to me. I’m not in sync with this one yet.]
Well, as I have said, i wound up at Horsham one time and because of the Cymbalta, an antidepressant, and of course they put me back on the Clozaril with a medication for the drooling, I was very respectful of them and I went back for that reason later in the year. Since then I have been betwixt and between all of my hospitals in this area and I just trust that The Lord is doing an incredible work of healing for me and also for my son.
Well my neck is starting to hurt and I think that that means I am supposed to stop.
This was the missing link in all this radical disaster in my life for the last year and now I am trying to bring it back together. The thing that I want to make known is that I don’t really remember a lot of it. So the community can just let it go. at least, as far as I am concerned.
Un.Bon.Mot 