siblings

I have the saddest news here to report.

I have heard Ian’s stories about Claire all his life and I have reason to be believe that he was seriously sexually abused by her. My mother tried to put it on me. I never sexually abused my son.

We were too close from being left alone to help each other while Alex was away four days a week. I said and did awful things out of dejection, frustration and panic. But there was usually a goto. The cops had one eye on us all the time. We had role confusion issues going on, like, he responded to the word husband; and some other crazy shit like that.

I was in a lot of agony all the time in a way that made things so much worse.

I don’t want to express what he said to me in my head. What does that mean? A person can say anything to you in their head. But my mother filled Claire’s head and everyone else’s with garbage about me. Like, when he was only 3 years old, she told him that I was like Shrek. (from the movie.) that hurt me so badly. I had gained a ton of weight and was being abused in the community of Treasure Island where we lived. (yes, that IS a real place.) my mother was deemed the expert (by Johns Hopkins) and she RAN THINGS.

I want to say some thngs in British English to help explain but my neck is hurting again so badly that I have to stop.

I just had the horrifying thought that Claire is trying to implicate me for sexual abuse and doesn’t even register the things she did as such.

For one thing, it’s none of her business. For another, I never did. She is drawing these ideas from her own guilty conscious.

He never said it to my face, but in my mind, which is a lively conversation with Ian, God, Ian sounding like God, and some other things, he said that she raped him and there was also another instance which I do not want to discuss when my mother got him out of touch with me deliberately, sending him to stay with her in their cabin in the woods in Utah, she did something shocking. We talk in our heads. we were too close all the time. He needs to get away from me any way he can. That’s my read, but, also that he WILL submit to this process as I myself move out of the danger zone and so does he.