alibi

Catholic Christian Radio, Tamp, Florida

I was addic ted to it.

In PA i was constantly listening to songs on the radio running through my mind.

In California I took it to the highways. Driving my sharp, shock-blue Acura smoking cigarettes and listening to a few CD’s where I got as far as L.A. or over Bear Mountain to Palm Springs in the desert on the other side.

Then, we returned East and I lost my sense of direction. In Buffalo I was lost.

Also, there had been a lot of road & highway contruction in the brief few years that I was gone. It was hard to find my way around.

Then, in Maryland near D.C. I had to hit the highway to get to my therapist. It was not safe driving and not a very safe community. The first thing I thought once we actually moved in was that I couldn’t see what to do to make it safe for Ian. In Buffalo everything was just right.

Finally we moved to Florida and the greatest Christian talk/music Catholic radio and the first thing I noted when I came back up here 10 years ago was that there was no Catholic Christian radio and nothing anything like Spirit FM in Florida.

But it became a sickness. The music ran through my mind non-stop and all i had to do to hear it for real was to step into my car–still the shock-blue Acura with a lot of wear and tear. I wasn’t able to go to church very much but aI did find a lot of formation and knowledge and understanding of the faith. I desperately wanted to be baptized but it didn’t go anywhere. (I got baptized here in a Catholic church about 5 years ago.)

So, anyway, its about my whereabouts and suspicions about me. I drove every where listening to Christian radio and stopping at fast food restaurants or diners where I would sit alone downing coffee and breakfast food, usually, or a McD’s Quarter-pounder with cheese.

When I was in PA I went out with other people I had met in the psych system whom I dearly loved. Since then I haven’t really been able to socialize much.

But this accounts for my where abouts, people, MY OWN MOTHER have said I was out killing people! That I was a serial killer!

My ex-husband believed it!!

There has just been so much bullshit over the years and It has been very debilitating to bear with it.

I just want some peace and quest. I am a quiet person who used to read a lot, play with ants and tar bubbles in the street outside our house. For a while I had a horse. I broke out through this “mole-wart” surgical removal and I am a different person now. I can interpret myself and others and my own experiences and I am putting them all back in blace based on this extremely useful diagnosis. And that is what a diagnosis should be: useful. It should help to explain.

I have organic personality disorder.