Eerie today

This is me. A lot of the time. My head hangs. Rather poetically in so many ways.

I’ll admit it. Its poetic justice on me sometimes. For the people who I stepped on not realizing that it would come back to me. I didn’t really understand what was going on. That is what made them so angry because others had told them I was blah blah blah; a whole lot of fancy bullshit.

Today, I absolutely had to go out and did not realize that my father had likely fixed whatever the problem was with my car and he sent me out in his, refusing to drive me. I HAD to get bloodwork. I HAD TO cash a check. I HAD to get tobacco for my machine. I HAD to go to the new pharmacy. The Lord promised me that he would keep me and anybody else safe from harm. I had that blessed assurance. But I don’t know if the DMV feels that way. I have been in horrible condition after starving for 3 weeks. My cats had no canned food, only dry. Theres a mystery about the doctors and pharmacies and how and whether and why I am going to get the basic help I need such as receiving the medication I need from providers who won’t commit me back to the hospital. Obviously I need to be a safe driver to continue in the community whether i stay here with my father or move out.

I get horrible pain in my neck and UPPER back. Especially when I come here to the computer to find solace and a break. I had to go out to stay alive.