hints and memories

i remember sitting n my bed in high school boarding school) eating candy from the machine, and being in SO MUCH PAi h

i have finally figured this out.

it was like an overwhelmingly intense ache, an unbearable feeling of absence…

OBVIOUSLY, I had had an abortion just as i thought. Dunno about the timing

they would have taken ne for a DNC, had me knocked out and i woke up not knowing the difference. One of the effects of the mole-wart thing is that it numbed me to pain.

i have a picture to share that i put up here recently but i just saw it exactly as I have said, althiugh it was taken in the woods. I dont know who took the picture but i look at it now and see exactly what i am talking about. What i was like at that time and why. I used t9 be a pretty woman.

the pictures on this computer have all been corrupted. Not sure what to do. And this particular original photo has been rroved from where i had it last night.

but, what i see in it is being focused ,intense and withdrawn, in serious emotional pain

so, i was younger than 17; and i have carried this pain until now.

so, back to the drawing board. I need to “Surrnder the Secret” as i have for the two imlost in mynadulthood. Obviously i have not been permitted to do this untill RIGHT NOW.

I have call e d him Arthur in the past. Ill have to look at this further. For instance was it for sure a boy?

so, ian is gett8ng ready to move off from me; i will have work that i can finally do on my own aborted children and the prroblem of abortion in general.