Finally!

I figured out a week or two ago how to explain my condition and I forgot about it but it just came back to me.

I have a disorder of my reflexes. At one point it was generalized over absolutely every nervous impulse and it was completely disabling. I explained it as occurring as a painful jolt to my brain 3 times within a split second. The worst trigger was noises. That occurred at the rented house in California.

I can’t talk any more about this right now because it is too late at night and i am too tired but that is a glimpse.

A doctor in Texas told me he would “ALMOST be willing to stake his reputation that I had partial complex seizures.” I was wincing every time I trying to say anything. I was so excited that he might be able to help. But then we had to leave for California. The job in Texas didn’t work out. And I was left trying to figure it for myself. So I was trying to analyze myself so I could explain this and watching myself having the little brain episodes produced by triggers–noise triggers, touch triggers such as my lips touching or my hair falling across my face, or cold water when I wanted hot, And I went completely insane. I already was.

A PCP in California described my condition as “anxiety reactive.”

When we came back East, the condition was somehow masked. It was not as intense. it was more subliminal but it was still disabling. The problem with this is that people didn’t believe me when I talked about it and developed a very negative attitude about me.

These days I understand that people have a right to their attitude and not to get angry.

Like, not everyone has to like you. Like, You only need to find one right psychiatrist, Like, You only need one right husband, not worry about the rest.

So, all this needs to be known to understand me and my behavior and what I say about myself and what people say and do and threaten me about.