it’s kind of difficult to figure out who is/was duping who in this crazy situation called our family. When my ex (sometimes known as Sandy, a man’s name in Canada) met my mother his eyes locked with hers. I was furious with my mother. I didn’t know what it was about except that it went above my head. Now I have figured it. She knew he was Canadian and in case my reader doesn’t know it there is a strong British presence in Canada, you probably know that the Queen (now, the King) has a presence there and there is Parliamentary Rule but also the culture is extremely British, high tea and so forth. I don’t know much myself, just that I loved it there. We visited BC quite frequently. So, there was an instant connection in which I had no part. I was angry, but also frightened. That never changed. It remained a part of OUR relationship. Similar situation with my brother. They were ALL talking over my head.
This is just so strange. Everything is working itself out as I type. I understand now about the organic personality disorder and why that was happening. Lynne has a problem. Sandy was standing up for me. He knew that I was a nice person. He knew that there was conflict over “the problem” for me that was very unfair. At the same time he understood their point of view. I know that my mother took him aside and talked to him because she always would. He was willing to be part of the situation. His main drift was that he adored that my father worked for Bell Labs. He just wanted to meet him and get to know him a bit. Didn’t know what he was in for. He was an engineer himself. That was why I instantly went for him. It was quite comfortable and pleasant for us to talk, dine, et cetera. I wasn’t bad then like I am now. Alex was in a bad sitch of his own which belongs to him to talk about so I won’t. At some point he picked up the angle of marrying me for the Green Card. Sure, he cared about me but the Green Card was a burning necessity because it was Desert Storm and he had just lost a job and no one was hiring. It’s complicated. He needed to marry me for the Green Card to be able to apply for a job. I was willing to do that because I wanted the relationship. I even wanted the marriage at any cost–it was so right across so many parameters.
So, things got more and more screwed up, finally we married in a courtroom in Texas and then left there for California and stayed there awhile.
Then came the baby and we headed back East and a lot has been written about that so that’s all for now.
Un.Bon.Mot 