I have the congenital deficiency going back through my mother to her father’s tb as a young man; and the organic personality disorder recently discerned; AND major depressive symptoms amounting to YEARS of suicidal depression, three separate bouts of this in fact, I was ALWAYS suicidally depressed after my leave of absence from college in ’83. I had to push it back when I saw my newborn. As I used to say, you cannot look into your little newborn’s face and carry those suicidal notions. I pushed it back and pushed it back…and then something horrible happened. I can’t say. But the urge came back upon me and I did it three more times, most recently in 2016 and almost didn’t live.
To the best of my abilities, I will never do it again.
In other words, I am not making a vow because one is not to make vows, but I just hope and pray that I would not be so stupid in some future happenstance to be led by my own stupidity to do the same stupid thing again. This time, it took me five years to recover.
Today, things are coming up roses.
Un.Bon.Mot 