Lord?

may i speak about a lover i had when i was sick and confused and very young? He was ten years older but unstable himself. Sicillian, passionale, romantic. His name is Gary DeLena. I pray he is still living.

he was pursuing an acting career, He was the lead in the. production of rhe rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar after i graduated from Kent School. I was still seventeen and i didnt know anything about boys/men; i had lived at Kent for four years as at a convent at rhe girls school 4.5 miles up Skiff Mountain which is no more. Now the school is fully coed down in the river valley in the small town of Kent.

Anyway i didnt reallt know what was going on wirh rhise people; I wasnt there culture or class. I have a few good friends. I was hi-tech. It was r3vognized as a class yet.

Its not really science or even math. Its a breakaway from applied math. Whi c h is the superset of computer science. I dont really know much more rhan this except i didnt get beyond my amazing computer program rhat generated essays on poetry. It was the lit part of it that i loved. And the clever programming language we were using. Not rhe technical part. True techies LOVE what they do. They would do it 24/7 if they could. And sometimes do. My fathet is one. My husband is one.

i am familiar wiyh LOTS OF hi-tech families through both their work and we’re all pretty much the same. The kids usually have some ki d of technical i twrest, bei g wxposed to Th sciences ar an ear.y age a d oroficient wirh them. Often rbs wa t to rebek and it an taje the fir of wanting to pursue arts or humanities. Lots of conflict: a passion for changing the world. Wantung to “DO SOMETHING!”

Maybe thats just my family. We different now as we age.

Gary, i pray that you read this, it hurts me to write it.

i kept every card you wrote me when i was at Harvard and found them in the suitcase with everyrhing from those 5 years and read them over again. I called you from Summit befpre we moved to PA and tried to explain rhe trouble i got into with a literary magazine. I got lousy care from a psychologist there and everythung ended. Its difficult to explain what became of me and this is a public blog.

i fear that i ruined your life.

i will pray for you.