Lack of Training in America

Lord, help us all with our lack of training in America, especially with our words! We come here from other countries trying to fit in. I felt lethargic and stupid and left out at best, an ugly mess at worst. What is the American language? It is constantly being redefined. There is money in this. But most of it is through distortion. You find the place where you fit in. Sometimes, for some of us, that is nowhere, never anywhere–or jail; prison. For me, a state hospital. For some, homelessness. For some, a combination of these. There is just no safety net. You can live in a nice condo one day and be on a psych ward, losing it, the next.

It’s also about manners and customs. And sexuality.

England is a tiny island that got the grand idea of setting sail to foreign lands and conquering them. Spain was doing the same thing. France did it. A little. Was it WWII that brought an end to this? England is back to being a tiny little island with an incredible history.

To me, the pandemic is taking us into a place like the beginning of the 2nd millennium, where the plague was just around the corner. The only thing that was left to look back on was King Arthur’s Court; the Round Table. and how Lancelot and Gwynevere blew it for everybody.

That takes me to where I blew it for myself by getting emotionally involved with a therapist in Florida whom I loved dearly and it was in a sexual way but it wasn’t. I NEVER TOUCHED HIM. AND HE NEVER TOUCHED ME. It was an overwhelming romance in a completely clean way. He taught me about Love. In a pure way. I needed this to rid myself of all the UNclean relationships I had had before I met my ex. IN ORDER to have a clean relationship with him. I was accused so broadly of having affairs that DID NOT EVER HAPPEN. Because of things that I do not want to discuss, after awhile in Florida I could not look at a man without being taken in by his eyes. It was horrible and frightening. It felt like being passed around to the entire town. And I had a child to raise. My ex was responsible for this. He needed to get it about a mother and her child, and not to take me in the way that he did when we first met.

It was difficult for people to understand my language.

One thing that my mother and I did that was positive was–during our endless phone calls–to forge a new language together. It was the strangest thing–how our talk just gelled in a new way–She had cousins in Canada and had kept her ties in Enland. She forced us to keep an English accent when we were young. So we both had Can-Engl-American in different ways. It was around the time she finally got American citizenship in her (?) early 70’s? I was learning to speak through blogging.

As for my ex, he offered, when we first me, that English+American =Canadian and we would be just right for each other AT WHICH I was EXTREMELY OFFENDED!!! I was ENGLISH in AMERICA and that was the major issue of my life. It was the “elephant in the room.” But, over the years I came to agree with him.

I am asking him for a settlement of $100,000 for this and other things and he won’t pay. It is a small amount, considering. He got everything from me for free that came to me at a great cost.

Manners, customs, language: TRAINING. You need all of this in a special way in America, a land of so many peoples.