nun

There is a nun at St Mary’s Kutztown who is convinced that I am a bad woman.

No matter how many times I roll over and start reforming my life from the hazards and impossibilities that beset me, there is someone or something who stands up to knock me down agan and I am getting just plain sick of this. Okay, she’s a nun. For three years since my baptism I have given her honor for this. But I was concerned about something about the baptism and I did ask her and she just cut me off and more or less said I was just being a pain in the butt. She also asked me to go to another church, in Orefield. Which I did try, several times, but I got the cold shoulder there. I have already tried the Catholic Church in Allentown, the one nearest me, but I felt so estranged there. It is a boisterous, happy, well-attended church, lots of families with children, in fact one of the children pointed at me and said “look, she’s here!” That was almost 10 years ago and I am different now but still…

The same thing happened to me at a supermarket in England when my ex-husband dragged me there kicking and screaming. A child said something and the mother said “Just don’t look.” It is the weight, it so distorts me, and my eyes are crossed for various reasons.

Well at least I did get baptized. My father had already explained the rules for an emergency baptism and this was one. It did fit the criteria. For a long time it troubled me but not any longer. That went down in 2018; so I have to look at my life retroactively from that time with this different understanding. I am only now truly understanding that it was a legitimate baptism and to hold myself accordingly. I am a Catholic Christian.

The real problem is that I am also a Jew for Jesus (or so I speculate) and a Born-Again Christian. And, moreover, my private highschool was profoundly Episcopalian. Although I rarely attended the Sunday Chruch Service, I did go to the weekday chapel services and you just couldn’t really be a part of the place without breathing in the Protestant ethic and spirituality. I got called out on this towards the end of Senior Year and it was big trouble. Sort of like Francis Farmer the actress (You have to see the movie about her life.)

Well now it is time to work all of this stuff out.

I do have to lose some weight. And I Don’t have to stop smoking.