on the DL

a lake of fire

oh my GOD

Ian and I laid out on the front lawn

the cops or the neighbors were coming to shoot us up the ass with machine guns.

but they took me

at about 3 in the morning

the third time I called.

They played with me like a mouse.

Dumped me by a warehouse.

I was screaming my head off.

They said, “Who did this to you?”

I named my doctor.

And they left.

Two women came in the morning. I had thought I was at PEHMS but I don’t think that I was. I was never able to clear that up. I woke up sleepy and smiled at them. They actually gave me a cigarette.

After a while and some phone calls they put me in the back of a van.

Finally I ended up on the Morton Plant psych ward and somehow, about 3 weeks later, I wound up back home. It is the most terrifying experience of my entire life. Things had been very bad for a long, long time and that is how it ended. These days, this sort of shit has become so commonplace in my life and it is horrible and unbelievable but I have been through so much worse that somewhere inside my head I just deal with it. Here there is a sense of unreality about it. In Florida, there is brutality about it that I can’t cope with. I’ve heard someone there say it is because of the heat. For me, it was the alligators. The palmetto bugs–HUGE cockroaches. Weird insects. The little lizards everywhere.

I won’t ever go back. And I wouldn’t be permitted.

The other thing that I HAVE TO MENTION (on the DL) being of sound mind, is that it is TRUE that I was TASERED by the police in the entryway to my home when my son was throwing a party in the family room. I am of sound mind but of altered capacity. As I have said before, it feels like everything is knotted up in there. After 14 years (?) (I lost my time line) I am starting to improve somewhat and move off of that. I don’t really know what to expect. The taser made me flip and land on my head. I am praying to God for healing. I know that He can if He wants to. I am hearing a voice in my mind saying “Do no evil.” Also, “Do publish this post.” Because I don’t want to.

So, I got a wicked concussion that was treated as psychosis, I think it was for 18 days. I just laughed out loud at the thought.

“All the lonely People, where do they all come from. All the lonely People, Where do they all belong.” The Beatles. That’s me now.

Take it up a notch:

“In the times of …..and trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, Let it Be.” John Lennon (r.i.p.)

omg where have I been.

(The deputies denied that this happened–the tasering–but my psychologist at the time–for the sake of my sanity–confirmed that it did happen by referring to them as “a coupla cowboys” when I returned to Florida after staying with my mother for a few weeks.)