Abt Harvard.
I married a Canadian.
It created a paradigm shift in my perennial path of finding England through the international community at Harvard-Radcliffe. Similarly, I had sought England in error through Kent School. I was so young and immature that somewhere in my mind I was going to England by going there. Because I wanted to. It was patterned after the English education system by its founder Father Sill at the turn of the 1900’s. We had “forms” instead of grades and numerical grades instead of letter grades (1.0 to 5.0 where 5.0 is a failing grade.)
So, I failed there in a substantial way. Never talked to a single boy. We were separated by 4.5 miles uphill. My grades were excellent, but I wasn’t really learning. But I got my SAT’s and learned that I could go to any college I wanted to. After the dunning I got through all the time at Kent socially, this was the break that I needed to save my life. My necessary pride. Or was it?
So, I did get in to Harvard and almost every other place I applied. But there was a twist in the letter from Harvard and I didn’t understand it. Maybe some day the Lord will show me. Similar to my leave taking after the Harvard Advocate and the items on the back page from the Harvard Lampoon.
My welcome to return to Harvard after the leave of absence disappeared when I walked into the Dining Room with those cuts on my wrists and was met gladly by the Senior Tutor who had been involved with my situation–until he saw the cuts on my wrists. I did not return to the Dining Room. I ate at restaurants after that.
But, I did the work to gain my CLGS about as well as I had done before leaving and I was smoking but I wasn’t boozing and was NOT having sex. Then, that went bad because of a stalker who targeted me at the Au Bon Pain in Harvard Square. I just didn’t know how to handle it. I was still suicidal. He got my number from a book store where I had applied for employment and also followed me down into the Harvard Student Agencies in the basement in one of the dormitories in Harvard Yard. I was so embarrassed. But I had a sexual problem (my organic personality disorder I now know) and after a while I WAS HAVING SEX WITH HIM. It felt so sick. I can’t remember where that started. Something tragic happened which I will not put into print.
I haven’t wanted to go near all this. It’s been about FORTY YEARS and it is still vivid. I completely ruined my reputation. I had done the same in NJ before I went back up to Harvard Square. That’s why my parents let me go back up there because I was getting involved with someone in the partial program that I was going to and that was strictly prohibited. It was something I had a need for because of the damage to my private area from being kneed in the crotch. Since then those parts have been taken out. I don’t have those problems any more. Also, I was married for 21 years and DID NOT HAVE A PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY OTHER PERSON DURING THAT TIME AND HAVE NOT HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANY OTHER PERSON SINCE THAT TIME.
Before I met my husband I was nonsexual for two years except for one or two incidents with old boyfriends.
There WAS a reason for the relationship that I didn’t know how to understand at the time, He was from Lancaster, PA, and my parents had just moved to Berks County, PA–next County over!!!–in the break0up of AT&T.
We were so lost.
In my life I have never lived as part of a town!!! As I have indicated in a recent post we weren’t accepted in New Providence, NJ. Neighbors called us “pink.” As for me it was like I came here blind-folded and upside down and next thing I knew I was within the confines of the state hospital. And it took two years and three separate admissions to get out.
Un.Bon.Mot 