I made the mistake of falling in love with someone there who did not return those emotions.
Somewhere ine my mind I had sick fantasies that me his condition in life. Where he explained things to me like that he had been so hungry he had to eat grass. Anything I say may lead me to expose myself to more abuse. Because that is what I got there. They used me all to hell. I was just a silly little girl. Actually, it is not true. I had just been turned into a ghoul by torturein the ICU from a catheter clamped on because it hurt so bad on my already damaged citgoril and urethera that I was desperately trying to pull it off and I said, although I couldn’t see I said, “iT UHURTS” and whoever was standing there said’It’s supposed to hurt.” It coulda been my mother.
It was like a clitoral lobotomy.
That took ?How many hours? weeks?? Years???
I think it’s ending now Somewhere in my minnnnnd it was still going on all these years.
When I had been back on my feet fofr a few months there was some damage to my heart. My heart rate was always low. They called it “Athletic” heart rate which was sheer bull. It distressed and depressed me.
They finally fixed it on the Tower Unit at the Haven Hospital in Reading somewhere around the end of 2021 or the beginning of 2022–unintentionally–when they were trying to do an EKG. It was one of the better moments of my life. So, I am finally healing. That really was about the worst thing a person could go through. Sexual torture for a matter of at least 10 or 12 hours I would guess, constant and unrelenting TORTURE But what I am seeing right now that I NEVER THUOGUHT OF BEFORE is that the LORD let it happen. And I have to accept that and with that it was just relinquished from me.
So, I just let go.
So, I prefer to keep it private from there.
Un.Bon.Mot 