State hospital

they tagged me as the antiChrist when i left.

there were some hardcore patients a bit older who said i looked like “someone who would kill people.” That was my eyes. The “ghoul epiphany” from the torture in the ICU.

Those two did something to me that I never got overd.r and the iProgram leader helped. I ran away. He left when i was gone. I returned, stayed awhile and then got disability pay and was able to leave. I got Tegretol. Which was newly being used for manic depression although it was a seizure med. It worked immediately for pain and spasms from the experience in the ICU. I didn’t know it at the time. I had blacked out that whole experience. I just suddenly sat up and started talking normally and instead of being committed the doctor sent me home.

It’s said in the psych workd not to try to figure out your abusers just walk away from them and that is what I am doing right now, regarding the two patients who got me all fd up. I just dropped it! And now i am leaving it in the hands of the Lord.

______________________

THIS JUST IN

THEY HURT MY EYES

at HAVEN TOWER UNIT

THAT WAS THE SECOND TIME.

it was a botch it was supposed to be an abilify shot but it didnt look like it and my eyes went completely bizarre and I got diarrhea.

after everything I suffered and survived through.

the first time was in Rockville, MD.

i ran out into the dayroom crying “my eyes, my eyes,” because they were going all funny. Now i know to call it spasms. It was likely from all the compulsive wiping at my eyes.

the doctor put his finger up and got me to focus my eye on it and it stopped.

but he said ” I cant help you now.” He wasnt my doctor on the ward

after that they my eyes were all messed up. And a man behind the counter at the pharmacy here in Pa where i went to pick up my meds said “that one really LOOKS crazy.”

i never got over that blow.

meanwhile. At the state hospital in Berks County they were still using me for either to love on me or to hate on me the best ever, juciest patient who proved by leaving town and never coming back but then I did and here I Am so now what!?

no beautiful house in Florida, my son was in BCP, some of them may have met him there, i pray that they were kind. I learned the benefit of a good correctional officer when i was on the Tower Unit at Haven Hospital and I was going there, to BCP, in my mind, asking after my son in my mind. The good one stayed with me in MY mind, as i sat in my room on my bed and helped me with some of my own correctional needs and cleaned out the JUNK as I was sitting out my time there. I had a single room with a huge shower area.

so i got over looking at my eyes in the mirror and my son doesnt say anything about them. I just know that i look really really horrible and i am wondering if it is my eyes.

when i unferstook the vast work to save Ians health about 2 years ago (?) We started with his eye surgery and I understood that MY eyes migjt never heal.

it all felt like a fantasy at the time. But we are starting to pull out of it at the time and it is the opposite. It is more real than real has been for the longest time in this pandemic and this malpractice at Johns Hopkins.