Desolate

Flashback

A one time close friend told me at a critical moment never to abandon a cause. At that time the one obvious cause for me was my pro-Life commitment which was extremely relative to my personal life. I was in a psych ward. I started calling myself “God’s poster child for the Prol-Life Cause.” I made that routine until the point got across. I was looking so absolutely horrible that it fit.

I have just learned that the abortion in California may have left me with a living child still within.

That protuberant belly that lasted all those years, and my Primary Care Physician literally BEGGING me to lose just 2 or 3 pounds but I couldn’t! 5 pounds down, meant 7 pounds up.

Something was happening with that before the debacle with the ALIEN and other things–there were a LOT of things going on here at that time. Something was happening with my letting go of some residue of the afterbirth that never came out. I won’t try to tell exactly what happened, it’s been such a long time. But there was a slight, reddish brown discharge in my underwear. I feel like I am finally coming back home. After 9 1/2 months back here. I am thinking, wait a minute, the Lord said one year, ten months and two weeks, roughly speaking. That I had to live. But when does it start? Or did it already and when?

THIS JUST IN

It’s gone. The mass in my stomach is gone. I was just standing up and I tested that round belly and the mass that was in it that made it so awful is gone. Now I have a perfectly round belly. Obviously it’s been stressed in so many ways for such a long time it wouldn’t be normal. But it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t look ugly.

As for the hour of my death and when and where I need to be going and what I need to be doing The Lord just says “Trust in the Lord’s timing.”

That’s all I have for now.

Which still leaves me a little frantic.

So, I don’t think it is wrong to dig up those posts and emails from 2 years ago when there was so much light in here and try to remember what was really said and done BEFORE I went to Horsham for the second time so, that is what I will do or was it before I went to Haven hospital in

reading for the first time.?