Set Apart

Yes, I have always been a bit “different.”

for so many reasons.

I just did not go with the common thrall. I just lived in a world where nobody died.

Then one time, when I was 16 or older–because we were living in the house in Summit–somebody finally did. “Smokey the Mustang,” He was captured when he was young, and went through some many owners, good and bad, and finally, at the end, after such a long life, he dies. I cried for days.

So, yes, I played with insects. That was about my speed.

I got bitten by a spider that I saw on the ceiling over my bed. It had to be the one. It was a sharp, painful bite. I figured that was it so I turned over and went to sleep.

Then, there is the incident with my brother and his girlfriend and me and Randy at the camping place by the river in Tennessee (was Dave there?) where my back was itching and Steve said it looked like I had spider eggs on my back. What that meant I do not know. He just could not have meant that literally. I figure he said for how I was acting toward Randy. He was the first of two young men who I did that too. If he wants to know. If he is still living and even cares. There was a college friend who I treated similarly: with overwhelming feeling of love that went bad in a way that I didn’t understand except for Steven and I and the abortion hat I had completely blocked out in my mind when I went away to boarding school. It came out as harm to young men with whom I would have long to spend time with and tried to but couldn’t. For so very many reasons that it turned me sour and uncommunicative. That was BEFORE the Advocate and everything I have been blogging about. Afterward, I was more like Darth Vader. And I just realized between last night and today that I have to drop that because it is a MAN THING. I will never understand what needs to be done just give my information and let the rest go and let the men orchestrate what needs to be done. Including my son, who is ready to step in at this point and can take any information needed from me in the wink of any eye. But that is just a suggestion. He may not be willing.