At the Horsham Clinic in Ambler, PA, I was “amblin’ on the waves,” in other words, I got so used to being out of the boat, stepping towards Jesus that I got used to the feeling.
I remember making an “emergency circumcision” before doing something important or dangerous or difficult, like, a special prayer, or… I don’t remember..
Ian had taught me some military tricks and drills for preparing for something difficult and that helped.
The unit I was on had very high, glass ceilings, like a church.
People sat in the hallway by the nurses’ and med station and SW offices with their legs out and it was like doing ballet to step along.
But most of all I remember “amblin” on the waves.” The terrifying feeling that you get used to. I guess it was Peter who steps out towards Jesus and is terrified and Jesus grabs him and puts him safely back in the boat. I am looking for that Jesus today for that feeling.
Because things are changing and the LAST THING I NEED is a psych ward but I have this strange new thing in my life, two, first, the LESION (that is how I have decided to refer to it, the thing on my face that was removed) is finally going off of my conscious daily life and I am settling into my own new norm in that regard and, second, I am realizing that everyone else knew about the half a baby from the abortion in California and thought that I did and I did not. Also, I know NOT to refer with assurance to an abortion of a baby with my brother at 13 because that is guesswork at this point and there is no one that I can ask for the truth. Also, some things are private and personal. Sometimes things that are private and personal have to come out. Sometimes you have to make a clean breast of things. But then you have to put it behind you.
Fortunately, Bagheera seems to be with my father over on the other side of the house, and now Symba has gone over there to stay with him, so now Travis and Tanner and I have some peace and I presume they do and they have had some food and so have I, and now the day can move peaceably forward, a blessed one.
Un.Bon.Mot 