it’s like that with her.
At one point I thought that of course we would be friends again some day.
I sincerely believed that my mother kept us separated in a way that would end sooner or later.
Looking back, I see that that was unrealistic.
I took her for granted–a little bundle of love whom I held on my hip when I was still a child myself and a disordered one. Steve and I took her places, we were 9 and 10 years older than her. Steve took ME places, especially when we were teens. I realize now that he was not ever willing to do this but had to. With Claire, we were like a separate set of parents.
I felt that Steve and I needed to be a long distance apart in adulthood because we were too close as young children with such a young mother, a 20-year-old in a foreign land.
He moved to Hawaii while I was at the state hospital in a morbid state. (He went back after his marriage failed; at that time I was in Florida.)
For this reason i am able to let go of what Claire and my mother did when Alex and I met that screwed it for me. Because I was trying to block Steve’s new relationship with his wife-to-be; instead, we both went our separate ways and Steve did marry her and I did marry Alex and this was well for both of us as I WAS a burden and an obligation to him (Steve) in a way which was in only God’s purview at that time.
So, Alex and I had to marry quick and couldn’t afford a wedding and then we weren’t invited to Steve and Annette’s. It was the worst moment of my life as the mole-wart person, the night they married.
So, Claire followed up by not inviting me to her bizarre, white-dress wedding in the middle of the woods in Utah.
I deeply resented that my son was called upon to be a wedding guest in this as well as similar situations.
I always remember when we said good bye. As she was getting on the plane at Logan Airport in Boston and didnt look back.
She had become a teenager, no longer a child, and, the child’s tolerance for the deeply disabled being that I was turned to hatred; lingering even today as the “mole-wart” personality has obsolesced; leaving a lackluster identity.
I do forgive Claire for what she has been doing to me in recent years but will not tolerate it further.
Un.Bon.Mot 