I didn’t know

I learned last night that a child died of the illness that was going around because of my spitting in the trash on the porch where people smoked. At the Spring domestic violence shelter in Tampa, Florida. This has followed me all my life and I didn’t know it.

I was so upset to hear this.

I had a bronchial infection and couldn’t stop smoking. I was coughing and wheezing. And spitting in the open trash bin. The flies were spreading the germs.

Also there was a little girl I was watching who got her little finger caught in a heavy door. I felt so badly about this. And scared. I just didn’t know how much worse it was for me.

I remember sitting out on the porch towards the end of my stay; alone. And looking up at the old ceiling fan spinning away and being scared and not knowing what it meant.

I was an incompetent person then. Unskilled and undisciplined. Nobody could help.

I was so sad last night looking back on my life.