About Dad

in other words, words, Dad, Alex. he was so insecure about my male College associations. he was so way high above them as a husband and friend to me and Ian. as a Canadian he had the habits of an armchair intellectual. he had his flaws. But he had a few years on them. He … Continue reading About Dad →

psych care

they take you, they take what you have, then they send you out again. They talk to you about the revolving door, and plant seeds in your mind to bring you back. The expression in itself is one in itself. At this time in my life I fear to go through an actual revolving door. … Continue reading psych care →

Proactive Proliferation

It starts. The court case is closed. The rest of our lives finally begins. It comes down to the ectopic pregnancy. My mother went to the hospital on my fifth birthday, so it's easy to remember. She talked to my about it quite a bit and I do remember. She showed me the scar on … Continue reading Proactive Proliferation →

black & white

...is irrelevant in this regard. It's going to happen quickly. It's all about the ALIEN project. Of there isn't one, one needs to start. At NASA I couldn't draw a picture because it is a sacred image. But here is one I drew at Philhaven: It was coming through me to reach my father who … Continue reading black & white →

So…

I will just move along (from my last post). What I see, as I have said, is that our present quandaries began with the Industrial Revolution. I said it in pencil on paper and don't know what happened to it. About 4 pages. It turned into an ethos called "Progress" and I remember thinking, "Why?" … Continue reading So… →

One last note on black/white politics; my father

...is that there isn't a salient quality. More so that among whites, every black person is unique, shaped by tragic incidents in the past or multifarious family backgrounds and decades of having to suppress HATRED towards the people who are trying to help them, some knowing how and some not. I realized a long time … Continue reading One last note on black/white politics; my father →

Obama 2008 to 2012

My life was about this. And I didn't get away until Trump gained power. OF COURSE I voted for Trump and sustained him. OF COURSE it was scary when, within moments of Obama's election, about 10 new black sitcoms were released and every black man on every news show smiled interestedly and unexpectedly. I had … Continue reading Obama 2008 to 2012 →

oriented

For the first time since we left the vicinity of Pittsburg (I was born near there) on our way to the Buffalo area, where I was to have my son, I am oriented. Alex let go of me on the way, and I was not lost but disoriented. I never got the hang of NSEW … Continue reading oriented →

Confession

I have to confess, right now, about what I did to the person whose name I will not give. I forced him into a relationship with me because the roommate whose mother didn't like me had a forever relationship with a boy she met Freshman Week so I wanted to do the same. He asked … Continue reading Confession →

moving along

This is today. At last i am on today. At least for one day. BROADLY SPEAKING. In other words, being in the moment. For the first time since third grade, when i picked up a book up off the table outside the classroom door. im learning for the first time. I used to rehearse my … Continue reading moving along →