last gasp re Hopkns, the MENTAL impact

or lack thereof. The first night I was there Lipsey made the point to me that "an idle mind is the Devil's workshop." and then just dropped it. I spent the next 28 years of my life figuring it out for myself. I had been having horrifying problems with Satan out in California and was … Continue reading last gasp re Hopkns, the MENTAL impact →

HOPKINS: the physical impact

over time the debacle of my stay at Hopkins became progressively more physical as my mother disdained me, restraining orders were filed, and the emotional stress and the climate in Florida were too much for me. I was so ill. My treatment of Ian was shocking. In ways that I couldn't control. And this pained … Continue reading HOPKINS: the physical impact →

gaslighting

I just looked up the meaning of this expression the other day .and I finally understand what has going on. Its a specialized form of harassment and persecution. I just looked it up again to be sure of myself. it is of concern to the American Psychological Assocation and it is described as the manipulation … Continue reading gaslighting →

pain-taking

I won't do it any more. I fight back. I remember saying a long time ago that In the 80's it was about "farming out the pain." my father used to say it. my pain at that time was future-oriented. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. 8n 5he … Continue reading pain-taking →

About Aliens

oh and one other thing about paintaking and aliens. from my next to last post they selected me for this: how much pain an ordinary human being could suffer without breaking, my father and his cohorts were doing this to me thriugh acutely frustrating me with my laptop.before I left at the threat of gunpoint … Continue reading About Aliens →

Threads

like in a handwoven tablecloth from afar, and the themes in a tale. a thread that has been lost here is that in a state of utter physical confusion deep into being off the meds that nobody would provide, in a deep state of terror, i turned--among all the people who were involved, to Mrs. … Continue reading Threads →

insights

my insights come partly from God but mostly from Ian, my son. my father steals them and presents them as his or says that my sister wrote them. he denies that he has any copies of my writing but I have seen them on his desk. this Is the single hardest hit I experience in … Continue reading insights →

the truth at last

my mother is still living. they went their separate ways. it is no business of mine. but some aspects of the situation are. for 2 1/2 years I have not been told when everyone else knew. today I had the weirdest sense that I was communicating with her about how you have to clean up … Continue reading the truth at last →

ADULTERY

I don't know anything about adultery because I don't know anything about sex. 8 just listened to the song by Elton John, Sacrifice, which I heard so often in the hospitalnon the nurses station radio; then earlier I n looked it up and I saw that I hadn't understood it at all. I listened to … Continue reading ADULTERY →

so I changed my mind

it's not the same as lying. I'm not closing the blog. I'm not moving. At least, not yet. you'll be hearing from me.