the truth at last

my mother is still living. they went their separate ways. it is no business of mine. but some aspects of the situation are. for 2 1/2 years I have not been told when everyone else knew. today I had the weirdest sense that I was communicating with her about how you have to clean up … Continue reading the truth at last →

ADULTERY

I don't know anything about adultery because I don't know anything about sex. 8 just listened to the song by Elton John, Sacrifice, which I heard so often in the hospitalnon the nurses station radio; then earlier I n looked it up and I saw that I hadn't understood it at all. I listened to … Continue reading ADULTERY →

A break in the clouds

as the confusion gradually resolves I am clearing a lot of bull that I have held onto for what seems like centuries. first of all my sister has her own issues and should be attending to them not me. That's about all I have to say on that account at this time. But I have … Continue reading A break in the clouds →

Captain Ko

every ship has to have a captain and I remember from my very first hospitalization epwhen I had just turned 22 a woman older than me saying that she felt like we were on a boat. At the time I disdained her for this but I've grown up since then. I was on a ship … Continue reading Captain Ko →

aliens

alien4 has been with me, also the Correctional Officer, to help me through this transition back to the real world. That's my level.through this, alien5 has been able to enter to help my father, I am looking for my drawing of him. Oh, I know, It sounds perfectly insane, but it is what it is. … Continue reading aliens →

so…

it's finally come down to this. I knew it all my life. My father had problems he couldn't solve. I knew it as a little girl when I tugged at his sleeve trying to get attention from him. I knew it when he called me up at the Lodge Program at Wernersville State Hospital askng … Continue reading so… →

so I changed my mind

it's not the same as lying. I'm not closing the blog. I'm not moving. At least, not yet. you'll be hearing from me.

the heart of the irony

...in the mental health system nationwide is so simple. Has anybody commented on this before? I saw this when I was at Philhaven watching someone have his rights explained to him while he was signing in. what on Earth is the meaning of a piece of paper signed by a person reporting himself to any … Continue reading the heart of the irony →

Specialness

when I lived here in the 80's (I identified as Berks County), there were 4 diagnoses: major depression, manic depression, schizophrenia, and borderline personality disorder. I always remember that poor fellow with horrible OCD being thrown out of the partial program that I was attending. Since then, things have changed. But those memories are indelible. … Continue reading Specialness →

Philhaven

is worse than Wernersville. my father doesn't care which one he sends me to, he just wants a win. I set him a task without meaning to. he said stop proselytizing to me. Christians are odious for how they won't leave you alone when you have no interest in their faith. Hundreds of times he … Continue reading Philhaven →