My brother who committed suicide

He jumped off a cliff in Hawaii around this time last year. He came to me today in my heart after a difficult appointment with my psychiatrist. I have attempted suicide 5 times since I was 17 (I am 58 now); the last time was really serious. But the Lord never took me. I am … Continue reading My brother who committed suicide →

Miracle Day

I have been tapering off Clozaril, a powerful antipsychotic med; and adjusting to Nuplazid, a very gentle new antipsychotic med intended for Parkinsonian patients. It is very expensive and had to be approved by my insurance. I'm not sure whether it was my strange, Parkinsonian-like condition that made the doctor think of it for me, … Continue reading Miracle Day →

Stressing

Tonight I drop another 50 mg Clozaril, from 150 mg at bedtime to 100 mg, 50 mg in the a.m. I am reviewing my stresses. I have cut my smoking from 10 to 15 cigarettes a day to 3 to 6; unfortunately i do not have the same success with my weight. I have gained … Continue reading Stressing →

Past President Obama

Like I said, the Lord is moving mountains for me through this med change. The snarls from the past are coming undone. In late 2008, after the November election, I wrote an email to President Elect Barak Obama's Transition Team. It was easy to find him online. He wanted his Presidency to be "transparent." I … Continue reading Past President Obama →

Med Change

I am getting off Clozaril and adjusting to Nuplazid, a very new, "newer" antipsychotic med. This has been going on for about 4 weeks. So, I havent been posting. TO THE WALL with mental, physical, and emotional stress. But the Lord is leading me through. My thoughts are reorganizing and reorienting. I feel like a … Continue reading Med Change →

Brother

Check out Trading My Sorrows by Guy Penrod. Awesome. My brother is talking to the me, so he must be in HEAVEN, because people in Hell cant reach the living. And, from now on, that's all I have to worry about--getting into Heaven! Everything else falls into place. Allelujah! Amen.

Brother’s Suicide

Jeffrey Epsteins suicide is helping me make sense of my brother's. Since last November, when he did it, I have been wondering what the connection is between my frantic processing of the past, and this final act of my brother's. I had woken up that morning making a first time ever assertion in my mind … Continue reading Brother’s Suicide →

Golddiggers.com

First, my husband said, you better watch out; there are other women who are getting inerested in me. He was pulling down a nice weekly paycheck as a software consultant; he got started by taking a years leave of absence from a major industry vendor, claiming he needed to take care of me. I was … Continue reading Golddiggers.com →

Break Point: Game, Set, Match; updated

My aging mother other and father were glued to tennis on the telly recently: Wimbledon, I presume. Well my own situation is brewing to a break point. As i waited for weeks for new the medication, Nuplazid to be prescribed, approved, ordered, and dispensed from a specialty pharmacy, my entire life was in … Continue reading Break Point: Game, Set, Match; updated →

Watershed

My marriage hangs in the balance. My father is convicted of his sin of sexually mistreating me when I was 17. He has abused his power to keep me under his thumb all my life, despite my being married and having a child who needed me. My husband and son disbelieve me. We are divorced. … Continue reading Watershed →