36 years of psychoanalysis coming to a Close

NOT MINE. I have been the proxy for my mother's best friends psychotherapy with my first psychiatrist, a CHILD PSYCHIATRIST who saw adults for strictly medication management. She saw him for 3 decades before leaving New Jersey for a retirement community in the Boston area, where her children are. I saw the psychiatrist for about … Continue reading 36 years of psychoanalysis coming to a Close →

Accountable for sexual abuse of self

Well the shit gets deep when you become accountable on account of what SOMEBODY ELSE does TO YOU. Your father expresses a sexual interest in you-- you are 17--that is your problem, regardless of the fact that it is not on account of anything you have done. With your mother it is like RAPE in … Continue reading Accountable for sexual abuse of self →

Accountable

I am not. I took a public stance when I moved to Florida as accountable for my attitude and ideas on the Black White race issue. Because I had done so on the psych ward in Maryland, during the OJ Simpson trial and Clarence Thomas meetings in 1995, where so many of the staff were … Continue reading Accountable →

Supermarket

This takes me way back. In South Allentown, around summer 2015. I became unpopular around town, "town" being the supermarket corner strip mall with a Giant, Cost Cutters, et cetera. My daily experience ran over into my blog and some didnt like that. And I got embarrassed. This was in the midst of my heavy … Continue reading Supermarket →

Hard psych appointment

Well my book is done so I can come here with my thoughts again. I have to either edit it or jettison it but I came to the end. I have realized that my father fears my book because it asserts the sexual abuse by him in the context of all the other off- beat … Continue reading Hard psych appointment →

Missing cat; brother’s suicide

Well he was spotted near the barn today. Which turns around two weeks of horrible anxiety. My mother kept saying she would like to find the body so that we would know what happened. My brother recently successfully committed suicide so that's where her mind was at. I happened to know--because he was living over … Continue reading Missing cat; brother’s suicide →

Justified

My brother has committed suicide. It's been 4 1/2 months now. We cant get over it. For me, it justifies a lot of things. I was the one who was always attemping suicide. 5 tries. Then, suddenly, this. I didn't know what to think. I finally realized that my patents were feeling desperately guilty. And … Continue reading Justified →

Diet crisis

My mother is creating an uproar over the current status here pursuant to my being up all night off my psych med Clozaril. Meawhile i am seeing an underlying crisis that is really evil. Over the last month or two i have suddenly gained 10 pounds over taking the diabetes medicine Metformin. I started trying … Continue reading Diet crisis →

Living a Disabled Life

My current psychiatrist is severely physically disabled. He is a hunchback I am taking an example from him about how to live the disabled life socially. I am severely physicslly disabled by my sexual injury. It is a psychosexual disability that people pick up on right away. People here are usually pretty nice to me. … Continue reading Living a Disabled Life →

Word to the wise

Its about my ex-sister÷in-law. I cant name her. I just need to rip her face off, that's all. My brother has died. The situation here.is that she is back in touch with my mother. I have guessed--my intuition and surmises tell me--that they are trying to get together and try to implicate me as the … Continue reading Word to the wise →