pain-taking

I won't do it any more. I fight back. I remember saying a long time ago that In the 80's it was about "farming out the pain." my father used to say it. my pain at that time was future-oriented. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. 8n 5he … Continue reading pain-taking →

in the wake of the Queens death…

it's been a jumbled up time. I was in the midst of buying appliances and everything down to a freestanding countertop to make the place truly livable. I have been stuck here for 4 years in a condition I now recognize was abominable. Where there is no supporting physical structure, your mind, heart body and … Continue reading in the wake of the Queens death… →

Finally!

it is clear to me and if I'm wrong then Im wrong, that my mother IS STILL LIVING. and that my brother IS NOT. they were able to match his teeth to his dental records. my mourning, then, was not ridiculous and if he is still out there and he's laughing this off he's a … Continue reading Finally! →

iron might

I always remembed our visit to Fountains Abbey in England when I was 14. it was like you could see knights in armor on horseback crashing in from their last quest. I returned to Kent School, a boarding school based on the English system and founded by a Monk. I can't remember now which order, … Continue reading iron might →

Saints, angels, aliens and cats

the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit starting a new life, mourning Queen Elizabeth. trying to get used to the feeling of a King in power, it's so different. I have pictures of my English grandparents that I drew, I would like to share them. The last was my mother's mother. She died early … Continue reading Saints, angels, aliens and cats →

Abortion

I remember looking up at my brother Steven as we were standing on the beach in Cape May. At that time I didn't know what the feeling was. TERRIFIED; he was the father of my child. It's finally coming out. We were in the boat. They had me drive. I felt like everybody could see … Continue reading Abortion →

About Aliens

oh and one other thing about paintaking and aliens. from my next to last post they selected me for this: how much pain an ordinary human being could suffer without breaking, my father and his cohorts were doing this to me thriugh acutely frustrating me with my laptop.before I left at the threat of gunpoint … Continue reading About Aliens →

breakaway

They are controlling me. Issues Been doing it for a long time. My father sells it. I just heard a little two-tone chime in my left ear like the recurrent pretty chime the tablet sends out regularly. Now I really know. I also know to honor my father (and mother). I also know to stand … Continue reading breakaway →

commitment

That word can mean such nice things. but it can also mean being placed involuntarily in a psychiatric setting. I have been running from this word for 42 years. I will follow the Lord.

my mother

I don't know what to think. does he want to get rid of me so she can come back? Whether here or somewhere else? he says he wants me to stay but he doesn't act like it, he goes out to lunch with his friends and makes jokes about me, I know that he does. … Continue reading my mother →