fight

my mother and father are in their early eighties. my brother's suicide has been too much for them. I was baptised into the Catholic Church yesterday. It was a beautiful private ceremony. Of course they were not invited. They are atheists. Unfortunately, my father closely guards the Catholic baptism of his youth. It is one … Continue reading fight →

cats

I have an issue with cats which took me to places that aren't safe to write about. I was stymied in self-publishing because things that were second nature to me couldn't be put in print. I kept pushing these issues and they kept saying no. This has taken me to a place of healing and … Continue reading cats →

After 40 years, Hope

At "Hutton" University, not its real name--perhaps you can guess the real name --i became a Pharisee. It took time. But after the state hospital--i clearly remember the moment--i heard the words describing the requirements of a SUPREME COURT JUSTICE--that they must take care not only of the fact if propriety but also of every … Continue reading After 40 years, Hope →

Family again?

Listening to the movie "Barry" in the backround about Barack Obama in NYC in the 80s and remembering glory days in the late 2000s when i was crucified for grandstanding pro-life over problack in the 2008 elections and afterward. I had made borh causes my battle cry up until that point. I was disabled and … Continue reading Family again? →

Almost to the end

This is the denouemont. They are saying he tripped and fell. "We arent going to use the word suicide." I am trembling as i write. Because ive seen this before. Its the one sure bet they ever saw in their life, it involves downing me and its sheer bull. It goes back to when my … Continue reading Almost to the end →

More of the Half-Lives of a Suicide

I don't know why he did it. Surely he could have picked up the phone and called somebody. I am going back in my mind to age 17 when I first desperately needed help, after my father tried to touch me. I was thinking about the money, why I have never had enough money, and … Continue reading More of the Half-Lives of a Suicide →

Suicide moving into half lives

The gone missig and the shock of the finding of rhe body are passed. The ground zero of the pain of the loss is moving off. For about three days everyrhing held a reference to my brorhers death. I cried again today. But its over. As i prayed the rosary today i was reminded of … Continue reading Suicide moving into half lives →

Suicide live online day 2

Actually we dont know exactly when it happened. I am speaking of my going public here about it. He we t mussi g over 2 weeks ago and his body was found in daylight hours there the day before Thanksgiving. Its been a slow burn. Thus morning at the Starbucks drivethrough the person ahesd of … Continue reading Suicide live online day 2 →

Not safe

My brother has committed suicide. He flung hinself off a cliff in an exotic location. I am too sad to be angry. He leaves behind his 18 year old son. And all the rest if us. It is a watershed event. We heard the tragic news Thanksgiving morning. He had been missibg for a week. … Continue reading Not safe →

Reaction

I waited for a time, a time, and a time and a half for news regarding my "pro-life mailing" of "California, a Pro-Life Novel." (See sticky post at the top of this blog.) I googled the username abbyhillonline at some point and iwas directed to an old post, its been a while and i am … Continue reading Reaction →