Praying

The interracial incident continues to play out. I see tbat i was feeling invisible, like a Black man does, see, "the Invisible Man." I would have tolerated it if it weren't for the threat of a third Black man, a younger man with whom i frequently have trouble, threatening to cut in ahead of me … Continue reading Praying →

Hope

I hoped that after i forgave Bruce, which i did, it was a painstaking process of letting go of difficult moments; i hoped that all the rest of the trouble, including the "interracial offense," would come out in the wash. But its going slowly and taking its time, this forgiveness. I realized that Satan had … Continue reading Hope →

A Day of Hope, a Day of Disaster

My happy day on Tuesday was followed by waking up to total confusion on Wednesday morning. Thats how i know they were already going to do it. I got fired from partial program, when i got back here they had emailed my caseworker saying it was for lack of attendance-- that was to make sure … Continue reading A Day of Hope, a Day of Disaster →

Happy; 2

NOTE: i wrote this post yesterday and didnt post it because i thought it cuts too close to the bone of my real life relationships where this Home is sort of make believe. But today it all seems to fit together and i feel better about publishing this reflection about my oldest, dearest friend who … Continue reading Happy; 2 →

Happy

I confessed to my caseworker that i am happy here and guess what? She is applying for funding for me to stay. I thought i was out of here at the end of March, because my mother cant afford the rent. But there are government subsidies for personal care boarding homes, and they want to … Continue reading Happy →

Rejoice

Its odd how stress and trials produce holiness. Ive been sailing along with all this negativity in my last 6 or 7 or 8 posts, all the while getting all the help on the world from the Lord; and im not writing down any of the good stuff. I guess it feels to frsgile. So … Continue reading Rejoice →

“Anxiety Reactive”

Another day at home over vulnerability from the sexual abuse issue being brought up. Too many thoughts of THEM intruding insidiously. Turns out i have a mammogram at 10 so i didnt have to go anyway. Its a whitewash for me as staff isnt too positive about ny going over this old stuff. But honestly … Continue reading “Anxiety Reactive” →

Then, Bill

Then Bill comes into the scene, four years after the beating my mother took (i can finally say it--it was all hush hush.) He zeroed in on the likekihood of a green card marriage (for citizenship) and the "wild sex" was gravy. All i knew was that it took me 3000 miles away from them, … Continue reading Then, Bill →

Justice, Mercy

From a Christian song: "let justice be served and then mercy win" This works both ways in my family. Im working on the sexual abuse. 39 years later, its finally out what really happened. My father had put a gloss on it, and then they attached a barge to that: weve been talking apples and … Continue reading Justice, Mercy →

Cutting in line

The did it to me at breakfast this morning and tbey did it to me st 1030 smoke break. A white man let a black man and a black wonan cut in front of me. See "Mending Fences..." im dealing with this and the working out the sexual abuse with ny father at the same … Continue reading Cutting in line →