Ditching the bad, turn on the good

They told me that at the hospital on Mt Auburn Street in Cambridge when I was leaving for PA in 1986. "Only the good," they said. And I didn't know what that meant. There had never been any good. Daisy the cat was good but that was bad because I wasn't good enough to take … Continue reading Ditching the bad, turn on the good →

Florida oranges

The Florida light has an orange quality when you think of it. Or so it is for me. I was thinking of happiness and I thought of a deep orange sunset glow and of course it was Florida. In California it was pure gold streaming through the birch wood behind our house in (dystopic) Perris … Continue reading Florida oranges →

State hospital

they tagged me as the antiChrist when i left. there were some hardcore patients a bit older who said i looked like "someone who would kill people." That was my eyes. The "ghoul epiphany" from the torture in the ICU. Those two did something to me that I never got overd.r and the iProgram leader … Continue reading State hospital →

Alex saved my life

over and over. He did some not-so-good things in bed and they brought harm on me, like my bent neck but sexuality in those days was so complicated. I had a debt I owed or that this woman who had a bent neck thought I owed to her at the state hospital the last time … Continue reading Alex saved my life →

mending fences

So, if you have read my post called "a stone made of light" you know that I am in a very strange place in my heart. For one thing it came up in a context of aliens and I know that that isn't always popular with everyone. Of course that is what it was about. … Continue reading mending fences →

Judaism

Am I Jewish on my mother's side? I wish I could verify this in some way. There were so many things that seemed to lean in this direction. I settled to embrace that I am but I have no Jewish formation (that is a Catholic word so...?) )? Is this rude to Jews who practice … Continue reading Judaism →

About Japan

Well when I have been in trouble lately I have called "a billion aliens" and I took refuge in that and stayed safe. Winston Churchill said in World War II that "Our greatest fear is fear itself." We are the least of the ET's. Ha Ha! To the creatures that we call aliens, we are … Continue reading About Japan →

Today

Today I was very drowsy all day long, more so than I would have expected after returning to Clozaril after just a week or less off of it. I just forced myself up off the bed (it is 7:48 p.m.) to get up and come here to post And I will stay awake until at … Continue reading Today →

Always Remember

Sometimes it doesn't seem like it but, God is love. God cares. God has a plan.

moving on

grqa What a day! My life has turned around on an apex I could never have seen coming. My son is talking. I had a horrible life up until his age, when I met his father. Then although it felt horrible it was beautiful. I thought I had the most beautiful mother in the world … Continue reading moving on →