Smoking

So, in late 1989, I was sitting in my mothers garage in the old house across the way here. It was filled wirh filth, overflowing with garbage. Dead flies, oil and gas fumes. A dead rat and a dead bird in the refrigerator along with some ginger ale. I was a fixture there. I wasnt … Continue reading Smoking →

Sister M.

Well, this has been a bugaboo since the late summer of 2018, before my brother killed himself. I reported to my psychotherapist at that time that I feared that the nun who was counseling me for baptism was exposing me to unwarranted personal intimacy. Not sexual abuse; just an emotional affair. I understood that I … Continue reading Sister M. →

Road Kill

Its about Dr. Gross in Allentown 24 years ago. He just didnt understand. He saw it about the sexual OCD because I was carrying on with a male patient who had just been pulled from the river. Generally that's who I picked on, VULNERABLE PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF. Also because I had written a story about … Continue reading Road Kill →

So. Allentown

2015? I was back in my apartment after dinner there with my mother, father, sister and her then husband. My sister and I had both gotten the exact same red hair dye and pixie haircut completely independent of one another. She had asked my mother not to tease her about it. Something happened there, I … Continue reading So. Allentown →

About the OCD

First of all, Its going. After 33 years. Going back to when I really started coming apart, at the Lodge Program at Wernersville State Hospital in Berks County, PA, in 1987, when I was 26. Years later, I became acquaintainted with the Catholic Universal Prayer by Pope Clement XI which is very long and exhaustive. … Continue reading About the OCD →

Egg yolks

OMG im so sorry. I apologized to the community last night; but it wasnt enough. I need to explain myself. About the overdose, not in 2016. But the one in 2014 (?) (2015?) When I was living in South Allentown. My father had moved me there against my wishes. I had wanted to move to … Continue reading Egg yolks →

Needing the help

I've been picking up puzzle pieces, connecting the dots, dotting the i's and crossing the t's, resolving the disconnects; for a COMEBACK. This has been DECADES in the making. The disconnect I picked up on today that has everything falling into place is the urology appointment in Florida that got canceled because of a hurricane. … Continue reading Needing the help →

My poor body

...is destroyed. At first, it was my wrists. Those little cuts bode ill for me in the most serious ways. Then, the OD at 24 ironically compounded the damage from being kneed in the crotch as a little girl because the routine catheter hurt. The most noticeable impact right away was that I couldnt feel … Continue reading My poor body →

My Life

Right now my future daughter-in-law (that's how I see it) is a big part of my life. Unfortunately every time I turn around I step on her toes or she steps on mine and this has been going on for the longest time. She is Brazilian and I see that as significant and important about … Continue reading My Life →

Human Beings

In California my ex and I made up the game "Who's the Asshole?" The winner got to walk away with the most attitude. Through that, I learned NEVER NEVER NEVER to use that word about a man. I lost my life over it twice. More recently, the game has been "Who's the saint?" That has … Continue reading Human Beings →