Feldman in Tampa

Sorting things out today. Remembering how he forced me off of my faith. Saying that when I said "jesus" all the time it was just a mantra. This was at Memorial Hospital in Tampa. Im sure people remember, even though it was in 2003. I made a spectacle of myself on his psych ward because … Continue reading Feldman in Tampa →

Me and my son incarcerated

a special person goes to jail I couldn't bear the thought. Meanwhile, i was incarcerated on an extended acute care unit after a horrible overdose and I couldn't do anything to help. I think that we are slowly losing those years (for the good). I just realized what used to happen to me when I … Continue reading Me and my son incarcerated →

pulling some things together.

An idle stroll through some recent movements captured in drawings. I stepped on a toad in the dark of evening and felt terrible about it. But i also felt afraid, which, I think, isn't normal. It was an accident. I said to myself I matter more to God than a toad don't I? Well HE … Continue reading pulling some things together. →

re: inventory at age 60

is there a doctor--a psychiatrist--in Allentown who is willing to see me based on the profile I presented in my last post? please understand that I had a horrible experience the first time I reached out to a psych practitioner and I was never able to help myself after that. Ive been food for fools … Continue reading re: inventory at age 60 →

yes it really happened

Although I do not clearly remember (they may have knocked me out) I have the evidence of my subconscious and where my lights went out on the Pagoda Unit, the "tan code" where I was safe if I was touching the tan-colored handrails, just like it was a grade school game. Then I remember the … Continue reading yes it really happened →

Sunday photo pics

Missy Lynne finally got her purple Purple is a color for sensitivity, pregnant women, psychotherapists, and royalty. her dad never thought she could win. The best person in the world or so it seemed at the time. i didn't understand that he had a real girlfriend. He was being so kind. We were in the … Continue reading Sunday photo pics →

next step.

I grieve for my father and the life that we had. I grieve for the person, the man that he was. We sacrificed. Because he was doing things that were important. Hopkins trashed all that. my father offered to punch me and my mother picked up Ian and fled here to the cottage where I … Continue reading next step. →

gaslighting

I just looked up the meaning of this expression the other day .and I finally understand what has going on. Its a specialized form of harassment and persecution. I just looked it up again to be sure of myself. it is of concern to the American Psychological Assocation and it is described as the manipulation … Continue reading gaslighting →

The Imitation of St Mary Magdelan

I came across this at the Haven Hospital, Reading. I left off with the imitation of Christ that I had done since a teenager. It had such disturbing elements. I thought I had to BE Jesus Christ. I didn't know exactly what form that would take. I started by trying to "take on" other peoples … Continue reading The Imitation of St Mary Magdelan →

poverty

I have lived most of my life in desperate poverty. In high school it was food, I was afraid to eat. in college, I was too busy drinking gin and tonics and other libations to be able to organize normal undergraduate activities. I was burning the candle at both ends, as the saying goes. then, … Continue reading poverty →