Woke up so beyond all confusion this morning that things made sense a whole new way. At first i made yesterdsys post private but then left it as a precursor for todays. I had to go back to my sons birth to find solid ground. It was a scary, crazy time that im big enough … Continue reading Quickie
Category: Mental Journeys
C difficile
A lot of change since i last posted. Ive been very ill. I have 'c difficile,' the highly infectious diarrhea bug. And finally realize i need to stay in my room. The first few days took me to a room at the Hospital. The first night night i was falling and delirious and gushing diarreah, … Continue reading C difficile
Arggghhhhh
Big crunch today. The place they were planning to send me gets horrible comments online and there's a lawsuit against them. I have a call in to in to my ex abouut Buffalo or Florida, and discussed with my father an interim stay at the cottage. ...who is amenable, and my mother is willing to … Continue reading Arggghhhhh
The Bruce Problem
They dont believe my problem with him is real. The fact is he is doing an actual malfeasance and i am powerless to stop him because my signal is defeated through ny ex husbands never-corrected sexual malfeassnce. Because he is so immature Bruce doesn't understand that what he is doing is wrong. My ex used … Continue reading The Bruce Problem
Problem Solved on the Smoking Porch
Big J gave me a fist bump on the way in. I thanked him on the way out. In the interim, i got my cigarette and a light without a fight, i froze on a stuck place, listening to my son say to me in my mind, "God did that to you;" and after several … Continue reading Problem Solved on the Smoking Porch
Proving Through (from late last night)
Its a miracle. The bad press that went down in 2008, when i was stymied by having to choose between supporting the first Black President and opposing abortion, is falling away. I wrote insensitive letters to the editor of the St Petersburg Times deriding Barak Obama for being faithless to former slaves, not being one … Continue reading Proving Through (from late last night)
Christ’s Miraculous Provision
...was afforded within minutes if posting that last post. In the form of insight unravelling the tangled web. I remembered that i had just had my memory refreshed that Bruce was ex military. And i remembered the moment early on in our relationship when a woman who is no longer here verbally assaulted him on … Continue reading Christ’s Miraculous Provision
Praying
The interracial incident continues to play out. I see tbat i was feeling invisible, like a Black man does, see, "the Invisible Man." I would have tolerated it if it weren't for the threat of a third Black man, a younger man with whom i frequently have trouble, threatening to cut in ahead of me … Continue reading Praying
Hope
I hoped that after i forgave Bruce, which i did, it was a painstaking process of letting go of difficult moments; i hoped that all the rest of the trouble, including the "interracial offense," would come out in the wash. But its going slowly and taking its time, this forgiveness. I realized that Satan had … Continue reading Hope
Interracial offense issue continues
I am a little confused, the Lord showed me i was in error over not letting Black Mr. E let Black Mr. C in front if him in line, thereby letting him in front of me. This happened last week and is still playing out. I was tired, and interpreted it as a racial play … Continue reading Interracial offense issue continues
Un.Bon.Mot 