A Day of Hope, a Day of Disaster

My happy day on Tuesday was followed by waking up to total confusion on Wednesday morning. Thats how i know they were already going to do it. I got fired from partial program, when i got back here they had emailed my caseworker saying it was for lack of attendance-- that was to make sure … Continue reading A Day of Hope, a Day of Disaster →

Happy; 2

NOTE: i wrote this post yesterday and didnt post it because i thought it cuts too close to the bone of my real life relationships where this Home is sort of make believe. But today it all seems to fit together and i feel better about publishing this reflection about my oldest, dearest friend who … Continue reading Happy; 2 →

Happy

I confessed to my caseworker that i am happy here and guess what? She is applying for funding for me to stay. I thought i was out of here at the end of March, because my mother cant afford the rent. But there are government subsidies for personal care boarding homes, and they want to … Continue reading Happy →

Rejoice

Its odd how stress and trials produce holiness. Ive been sailing along with all this negativity in my last 6 or 7 or 8 posts, all the while getting all the help on the world from the Lord; and im not writing down any of the good stuff. I guess it feels to frsgile. So … Continue reading Rejoice →

“Anxiety Reactive”

Another day at home over vulnerability from the sexual abuse issue being brought up. Too many thoughts of THEM intruding insidiously. Turns out i have a mammogram at 10 so i didnt have to go anyway. Its a whitewash for me as staff isnt too positive about ny going over this old stuff. But honestly … Continue reading “Anxiety Reactive” →

More on Justice, Mercy

I see hiw my father deliberately, in desperation, played up the beating my mother took and the state i fell into after the overdose as an intractable illness requiring endless further hospitalization: i had started talking to them about the sexual abuse. He had a fragile new job in a new area, which he did … Continue reading More on Justice, Mercy →

Then, Bill

Then Bill comes into the scene, four years after the beating my mother took (i can finally say it--it was all hush hush.) He zeroed in on the likekihood of a green card marriage (for citizenship) and the "wild sex" was gravy. All i knew was that it took me 3000 miles away from them, … Continue reading Then, Bill →

Cutting in line

The did it to me at breakfast this morning and tbey did it to me st 1030 smoke break. A white man let a black man and a black wonan cut in front of me. See "Mending Fences..." im dealing with this and the working out the sexual abuse with ny father at the same … Continue reading Cutting in line →

Wow! I’m writing

In the last few days i have written a class note at Hutton.edu, an email to my father (about sexual abuse), a thank you ketter to my doctor at the extended acute care unit i stayed on for 8 months before coming here; and numerous posts here. Last thing i remember, before neeting my ex … Continue reading Wow! I’m writing →

On Mending Fences With Black America

Here the Black caseworker and others seem to feel that it is requisite for a white wonan to suffer a little in exchange for Black womens (and mens) suffering. Au contraire, ny friends, i started giving before i was 10, ive already written about it, i was the victim of the first de facto affirmative … Continue reading On Mending Fences With Black America →